Here Now

My Letter To Los Angeles

2012-01-23T16:37:00.001-08:00

Dear Los Angeles,

I've been thinking about you a lot lately. With these cloudy days and long winters I think about you all the time. Your golden sunsets, your evergreen palm trees, your cool ocean breezes on the west side. I miss you so much.

We haven't been together for a long time. Feels like only yesterday I was packing my apartment preparing to move out East, kicking and dragging my feet the whole way because I didn't want to leave you. Comparing my new digs to you just made life harder. No place seems to measure up to your sparkle, your energy, your know-all, your have-all ways.

Even now in Seattle, such a beautiful vibrant city, I long for you. It seems time has been kind to me as I only remember the good times. The Valley in the balmy evenings of summer, the romance of the Arclight Dome with its gourmet popcorn and Bon-Bons. Walking up the residential street after dark toward The Greek Theater where I could hear Jack White and his Airline guitar screaming into a crowd I would soon be standing among. Mornings at Wild Card boxing gym, seeing Freddie's smile. Jogs in the clean air and sunshine of Beverly Hills. Parties and rice pilaf at Amy Wade's animal-filled apartment. The Peninsula Hotel and spa staff that became my source of pride. Drives to my dad's place in Ventura, the perfect city. The religion of Playhouse West acting school. The contagious, palatable energy that buzzes in the air! Rolling around in your sand and staying up late, driving through Hollywood up into the fragrant hills, sneaking over the Mulholland fence, looking at all the bright stars in the night sky and dreaming of being one of them. Meeting my forever friends Josh D., Tyler D., Daryl M., and my love Paul. Many fond memories in every corner of the city.

Oh and the food! The banana strawberry pancakes at Vivians Cafe, the chicken dinner plate with plantains at Bossa Nova, Tito's Tacos (not the burritos), The pineapple milkshakes at Astro Burger, Larchmont Pizzaria with THE best pepperoni pizza in ALL of L.A., Jamba Juice, Casa Bianca with their amazing pizza pies and salads - and where four of my family members went on their first date, Senor Fish downtown with the best fish tacos, Phillippe's french dip sandwiches, Nick's hole-in-the-wall diner on Pico where Cliff would make me the best not-on-the-menu Elvis shakes, Paquito Mas, Cafe 101 with the orgasm inducing chocolate brownie waffle sundae (and also the place where Scotty C. and gang would eat late after his plays - it's a whole thing.) Cafe La Brea with delish risottos, the cheap but hearty eats at Magnolia Grill, the blue corn enchiladas at El Cholo, a #13 and a Sunrise at Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles, the chicken sun-dried tomato pasta at Spamoni's in Santa Monica, California Fresh, and of course, a Double-Double- protein style- animal style with a strawberry shake at In N Out. These are things I love most about you.

But you know what? I need you to know something. Thinking about you actually makes me UNhappy. I just realized, I've got countless grand memories of being with you but when I think about them they only make me sad.

All this time I thought it was because I wasn't with you.

But that's not why I get sad at all! It's because you make me feel like I suck. If only I did everything I could to be good enough, to be with you again, you could make me better. But you know what? It's not me. It's you. You suck. You really do. You're a fraud and a liar and you only root for the winning team. I thought I was messed up and for awhile, sure, I was. But your people, the majority of those who feed you and keep you warm and keep your gears nice and oiled are pretty miserable too and everyone is scared. Why is everyone scared in LA? I felt pretty safe living there, but that's not the kind of fear I'm speaking of. People in LA are downright afraid of everyone. Most of all themselves. Toxic! And you get away with it L.A. because you dress empty desperation and discontent in the guise of hope and hard work.

I mean think about it: People with deep emotional needs not being met, with intense desires to be cherished, appreciated, recognized, celebrated, and those needs never NEVER being met (or worse, being met only temporarily and then having to start over) these people all flock to the same place- every one of them needing years of psychotherapy (and sometimes medication)- fighting over jobs that aren't available to them, unable to afford the cost of living, disillusioned by talents they don't possess, including finding a parking spot at the grocery store, getting $70 street sweeping parking tickets once a week, traffic, not speaking the same languages, the extreme levels of poverty and wealth, extreme differences of class and social acceptance, the vacuous, anchorless, sex-obsessed culture, thriving on the basis of exclusion?! You're going to tell me that LA isn't a town of nutjobs?!

Now readers: don't even start in on how wonderfully diverse you think the "melting pot" is unless you can honestly claim you love living in Korea Town and you enjoy taking leisurely drives through Compton on Sunday afternoons. And don't go leaving me comments saying, "I live in LA and there are lot of sane, normal, nice people here." Because that's a total exaggeration. Maybe you know 3 people like that. And they live in Thousand Oaks or Pasadena. So that doesn't even count.

I'm not talking about the nice families you know. I'm talking about the world outside. When you climb into your car and go to the grocery store, The Grove, the gas station, a restaurant. The everyday things you experience. I walk out my door in Seattle and it's, "Hi how are you? Beautiful day isn't it? My what lovely children you have." And in LA it's, "What. What do you want from me? Why are you talking to me? Get away from me. Don't look at me." I didn't realize it was so bad until I moved away. Paul likes to laugh at remembering my feverish reactions to the LA grocery store checkers back when we lived there. When I would forget my Ralph's clubcard and they wouldn't give me the sale prices, at times I became so angry, I literally had to keep myself from cussing them out and causing them physical harm. Because of a freaking club card. That's just the way life was then. Those are the feelings LA fosters. Those are the kinds of experiences that make you not want to go outside. Or in order to do so, you must first put on a layer of skin so thick you don't feel anything.

Over time you forget what's normal. When I lived in LA I thought LA was the world. It moves faster than the rest of the world and therefore is ahead of the pack. How embarrassing if you live somewhere else and get left behind.

In all honesty L.A., I've lived away from you for four years now and I feel 88% detoxified from all the garbage I used to believe. But unfortunately, because I lived there for so long, and bought into all your Hollywood junk, the industry expectations, the so called "rules" of you can/you can't, the lifestyle, the fighting, the fear... I still have that. I still allow myself at times to be driven and motivated by all that. My creative goals, part of my self worth, is still definitely measured by your invisible standards. It makes me sick.... but unfortunately it's true. I lived there for almost nine years. A lot of this stuff really sunk in. But nobody is telling me anymore who I should be, how I should be it. I don't talk to anyone, ever, who says, "This is the way it is." So the worst part of all this is the only person who feeds me daily doses of bullsh*t now is myself. (with of course, contributions from Facebook and Google News.)

So Los Angeles, what I'm trying to tell you is...that I don't need you. You need to back off and shut the hell up. Of course I want you, I want all those beautiful moments that we had at the beginning of this letter. But I don't need you. Because you make me unhappy at the very thought of you. You make me think that I am incapable of doing great things. You cause me to covet things that I don't have and don't need and you encourage me to loath what I do have. And. That. Is. Wrong. That's so wrong! Because what I have and what I can do is extraordinary.

Maybe in the future we can be friends again and I can swim in your ocean and you can teach people how to speak without using phrases like "totally organic" and "I really needed to transcend!" In the meantime, get out of my head and leave me alone.

Sincerely,
Rachel

Trivial Tuesday - My Recent Crushes

2011-12-27T01:28:00.000-08:00

I've been seriously crushing on some shoes this past week. That's what Christmas money from relatives will do to a woman with internet access! The Huz doesn't understand the need, the pure burning and yearning I feel for the following:

Look at these babies!! Aren't they gorgeous?! I sent a link via Facebook to one of my girlfriends and her response was, "I NEED THOSE SHOES TO LIVE!" We girls get extra dramatic when it comes to red. Velvet or suede? We go nuts. Throw a bow on something and we get just plain dangerous!

I've been dreaming about these bad boys. Freaking heck! What am I to do with myself?!

I'm REALLY into shiny things. Sequin pumps for under 35 bucks? Yes please! In my last life (if I believed in reincarnation) I was probably a trout or something. I cannot resist things that sparkle! They've got these mamas in Red, Blue, Gold, Silver and even Hot Pink! Torture! How's a girl to choose? (First world problems...)

Buy them:

Red Velvet Cuff Pumps - Ebay $25 plus $10 shipping
Blue and Purple Bamboo Olisa-02 - Zooshoo.com $33 plus FREE shipping and Urbanog.com (plus ship)
Gold Shiro sequin pumps - Zooshoo.com

Making A (Town)House Our Home

2011-11-11T14:07:00.001-08:00

I've been holed up in our apartment for a few days because I thought it wise to get a flu shot since it's "going around." Unfortunately within a matter of hours after the shot I woke up in the middle of the night FREEZING cold. I was shivering and my teeth were chattering and my back and skin felt positively raw. I woke Paul up who said, "You're burning up!" but it wasn't until he had piled a mound of blankets on me three feet thick, I had dressed in pants and a sweatshirt and cuddled a heating pad that I eventually warmed up.

Being sick is always an unfortunate opportunity to recognize the great blessings of comfort that bring joy into our lives that we normally fail to appreciate on a daily basis. A month ago Paul and I moved into this new townhouse. Our rented condo on the top of Queen Anne hill, though cute, was feeling too small and too expensive. We moved into this new two bedroom/two bath/two story townhouse on Dexter Ave. which is not only bigger but cheaper and much much closer to the bus stop and Amazon's headquarters. (It's a quadruple win! Come visit! We have room now!) So while it's raining outside (big surprise) I feel fortunate to be inside, warm, surrounded by the very American comfort of material goods.

The longer Paul and I are married the more we consider rejoicing in our progression toward settled adulthood and digressing from our more capricious non-absolutes, because honestly, what the latter truly means is abandoning our Ikea dorm-room furniture, and the former, buying better made furniture and decorating like real adults! Yay capitalism!

We're not quite there - I mean we're still renting for goodness sake so we still have the dining table from Wal-Mart and our mattress sits squarely on the floor because we haven't yet graduated to a grown-up king sized bed frame and the more I think of traveling the more I purge all our junk anyway so all this is pretty nonsensical and I try to convince myself that if I lived in a villa in Italy I would only give thought to the day (and the pasta) and not give a rat's tooth about couch pillows and curtains and decorative vases and matching dinnerware. Ugh.

But it's not one or the other really. It's not this way or that way. When we were in Southeast Asia for two months I thought I was going to have a huge spiritual awakening by not bringing any makeup or girl clothes and leaving all my modern conveniences behind but by the end of it, ALL I WANTED was some mascara, a skirt and my freaking automatic bread machine!! These silly material "things", they make us feel a bit more sane when we're feeling out of place and a bit out of touch. Whether we're sick at home with the flu or on the other side of the world with nothing but a mud hut and some chopsticks, my day is brighter when I feel the comforts of home around me when I don't have friends or family so near.

As I graduate into adulthood more and more I'm concerned with not what people think of my impeccable good taste (that was a joke. Laugh.) but with how people feel or how I make people feel when they're around me. I realized recently that because I'm holed up here inside by myself a lot, either due to illness or writing, I should ask myself 'how do I feel when I'm around me?' How do my surroundings influence thought? How do my surroundings influence feeling? Is it light or dark? Order or chaos? Is there room for the Spirit to influence me?

Here are some samples of the little things, material and spiritual, I find joy and comfort in lately.

I got my green thumb from my mom who always planted rose bushes, daffodils, tulips and hyacinths growing up. Since we don't have space outside to plant I bought matching blue and white porcelain pots and planted Rosemary, Thyme, Cilantro, Basil, Forget-Me-Nots, African Violets and Crocus. They love the sun and lots of water and they add such warmth to our living room.

Smarty Fins is the latest addition to our home. I wasn't keen on buying any new creepy crawlies since my hermit crabs died (may they rest in peace(s) )...(Accept for Arielle. She can go to heck.) But a five dollar all-in-one starter kit at Ross sparked the idea so I purchased the 1/2 gallon "tank". But because I am bound to only take EXCEPTIONAL care of animals (after a childhood of poor neglected pets through my ignorance) I found out that Betta fish are just not happy in anything less than 2 gallons. So of course I went straight away to the pet store and purchased Smarty Fins a 3 1/2 gallon Shangri-La complete with filter, rocks, plants, and heater so as to achieve perfect equilibrium. Two days later he got not one but TWO illnesses. A parasite AND a fungus which if not treated immediately become deadly. So I rushed to the pet store again to buy him his medicine. Seventy five dollars later....I'm happy to report that our five dollar fish is happy and feels at home. (!!!)

With the blue and white porcelain pots I expanded the idea to the wall where I had a lot of fun digging through dusty piles in antique shops to find these beautiful English Flow Blue plates. They add a real unique brightness to the room.

Spending money on fish supplies and blue and white decorations really started to add up so Paul and I created the "Sunny Day Jar" as we save money for a sunny day. (It's a little backward in Seattle.) All the money we don't spend we write down the amount and put it in this jar. Then at the end of the month we add it up and we transfer that amount of money into a savings account specifically for a sunny trip somewhere warmer during the unbearable sunless winter.

For example, the other night we were downtown next to a Walgreens store and inquired as to how much their flu shots are. For seven dollars less, I knew we could get one cheaper up at the QFC store near our place so we went there instead! That seven dollars we saved now goes into the Sunny Day Jar! Not spending money has never been so much fun! Plus I love that our 'jar' is one of the vases from our wedding reception centerpieces.

I've never been the kind of girl to hang religious pictures in my home. I know it's quite common for people to do, especially Mormons, but I never gave it that much thought.

I don't recall growing up with them around our house (and maybe weird velvet portraits in neighbor's living rooms scared me away.) but during my Hollywood years the first taste I had of it was when my good roommate, Rachel #2 hung pictures of Jesus and little sayings like, "Happiness is a grateful heart" (so true) and only then did I notice how it brought a change of feeling into the room. But it wasn't until the prompting of my good hubby that I actually did anything. So I hung up these paintings of Christ and of The Family: A Proclamation to the World and my favorite wedding temple photo and since then our home has truly become a more peaceful feeling place. A temple in its own respect. I love the feeling of warmth, respect and love these pictures evoke.

I'm just proud of these curtains (Ikea...Don't judge!) I busted out the drill for hanging these babies! Drill, tape measure, pencil markings, level - I did it all by myself!

This water color is my favorite. I purchased it from a local L.A. artist for my 26th birthday (that was like a a few months ago--nervous laugh--look away!) I love the colors of bright yellow and purple. Every time I look at it it changes. Sometimes it looks like the sea, other times it looks like a meadow... It helps to get my creative juices flowing when it's time to day dream.

At times my faith to attack large tasks is AMAZING and UNSTOPPABLE and then the next day it is itty bitty. Hanging quotes like this around my living space reminds me that things we consider to be difficult are really not that hard. Really. Or as we say around here, "It takes a lot more than that to bring me down!"

What are some things you've done around your house to inspire you and make it feel more like a home?

Ikea?

Inside A Writer's Head - Part 2

2011-10-27T02:44:00.001-07:00

I can't help but count the number of stairs as I go up them.

When I'm really stressed I'll have nightmares that I'm working at Westside Rentals again.

A worse nightmare for me is spending the whole dream trying to figure out what 8 subtracted from $17.95 is.

I don't like drinking soda straight from the can. Unless it's one of those mini-sized cans.

I organize my closet by keeping in mind what people will find in there if I suddenly die and women come to help Paul clean out my things.

I'm superstitious when it comes to picking one item from many similar items. When choosing a pen out of a drawer full of pens, a fork from the other forks, a new scarf at Nordstrom from the other same colored scarves etc. It takes me three moments longer to pick something than it does other people. I believe there is either a negative or positive energy attached to the items and by choosing the wrong item bad things or good things will happen to me. So I try not to touch the items until I know which one I'll pick. So I stand there looking everything over before I choose it. This all goes through my brain in under 2 seconds.

I know. It's weird. It's crazy! This is the section of my brain I like to avoid at all costs. It usually takes over when I'm dreaming... or cleaning the kitchen for the third time in one day... but it's not the same section as my "writer's brain" (but it definitely resides next door.) In fact a lot of good ideas and humor come from this neurotic thinking and I can channel it into something creative. (And if not, well, then I have a dream about James Franco at least once a week. ) ...(Don't ask.)

The writer's brain however, is capable of amazing things. Ideas and thoughts play out as fragments of scenes meaning nothing and only looking sad, beautiful, fearful, or happy until they connect as miniature pictures and then more ideas and pieces latch on and before you know it there's a whole tapestry you just breathed life and meaning into. During the edit ideas can change within the change and before you know it, dialogue is coming from your finger tips in the best kind of way; eyes glaze over and all there is is the mind firing off electricity into your hands and when you come to, your jaw hits your chest when you read what's on the page and you say out loud, "Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh! That's it! That's IT!!"

And the most brilliant part about it is you have no idea how it got there. You think it came from nowhere. But those little fragments and puzzle pieces have been floating around your universe the whole time. For years. So it really wasn't a new idea. Your story was already written. You just had to put it all together one piece at a time. One thought at a time.

The same goes for me as I struggle along with it. As the pieces of the story grow and change, pieces of me grow and change by constantly striving to make it better, extending a part of myself I didn't know was there. Wanting more to be there. Even by draft thirteen.

Sounds crazy doesn't it.

Inside a Writer's Head - Part 1

2011-07-27T15:07:00.001-07:00

I've come to the conclusion that the actual act of writing, (the working of thoughts into ideas, working ideas into character into story, into dialogue, then into little black and white symbols on a white background, editing, deleting, re-writing, making it flow and make sense, and even then (hopefully) moving a stranger emotionally) is quite maddening. But when you get it right, (and it happens SOMEtimes) when you get it right, MAN IT IS BLISS!

But I swear, the very next day you write, everything stinks. It's awful. Nothing makes sense. You don't know where it went wrong! We were just so happy yesterday! What changed since then?! So you tackle it. You chew it up. You spit it out. You see what tastes good and what is bitter. Then you roll around with the bitter for awhile hoping there's SOMEthing of value in it before you finally toss it out (or SAVE it in a new folder on your desktop) and by day's end little bits of paper are crumpled and strewn about your office floor along with articles of clothing.

Wait, what?

That's right. You heard me. You see, writing is like being married to the most gorgeous tortured artist you've ever met. He's all soul and raw nerves and wants nothing but praise and a clear path to his most meaningful endeavors but you're just there to listen and make him toast and coffee in the morning. He's selfish. He never chips in to help you around the apartment. "What. I live here." is his reply when you ask for help cleaning up his messes. He smokes like a chimney. He can't hold down a real job. He works at the record store part-time only because "it helps him get in the zone" so he can "create beauty." And you just wish he'd wash his hair once in a while!!

But he's so dang hot.

And when he gets it right, he gets it right. Despite his obnoxiousness he can be really generous and romantic a lot of the time. (You should hear him sing and play guitar. To die for!) He even surprises me once in a while and just says the most beautiful lines of dialogue and I'm like, "Thank you! Where did that come from?" And he's like, "I got it all right here, baby." as he holds his heart.

And when you win an argument, it's pure triumph! I'm sooooo much smarter than he is. "I'll change him!"

That's seriously what it's like to be me during the hours of eleven AM to five PM and then again at ten forty five PM to one forty five AM. Writing is like texting about the nature of the Universe all day long and you're like, "Just freaking CALL ME!"

Then he finally calls you, because he realizes that marriage is all about serving each other and communication, and he tells you he picked up the dry cleaning, washed his hair and made dinner!!! And suddenly everything you've mulled over all those hours just magically fills your mind and the page and I'm like, "I love him so much! I want to have his babies forever!" And you know you're going to live happily ever after...

That is, until tomorrow.

Driggs, Idaho

2011-07-23T14:47:00.000-07:00

My Uncle Grant

2011-07-22T13:58:00.001-07:00

I've been holding off writing about my uncle for a long time now, simply because I really don't think his life and his goodness and the love that I feel for him can be summed up in a word doc. I really don't know what to say. It's all very personal and I will say simply, that he means a lot to me. To my family and to thousands of people.

Grant is married to my dad's sister Kathy and I always knew him as "Uncle Granite" who loved to climb mountains, was an avid hiker and outdoorsman and loved the beauty and adventure of nature. He was the quiet hero in our family. The one who escaped death after a freezing night stuck in the Grand Tetons after a climb gone wrong. He was the one you'd look to if we were on a hike and the path looked unstable. His kindness and humble smile went with him everywhere in every situation with everyone he met.

He has a beautiful 15 year old daughter, Alex, who inherited his sweet spirit. He loved his family and would do anything for them.

Grant disappeared this year on March 2nd on his way driving to a work meeting in Boise. For four months there was no sign of him. It was as if he disappeared into thin air. Search parties worked tirelessly to find any clue but turned up no signs. Once the snow was gone and water levels dropped, a photographer spotted the top of a car undearneath the water in a small reservoir in Mountain Home, Idaho. Grant's car had slid off the icy road in March and he was unable to get out of the car before it sunk.

Grant's funeral, on July 2nd, was a truly beautiful service. Friends and loved ones who had been touched by the goodness and love of Grant gathered to mourn the loss of this truly wonderful man. I can still hear his laugh when I think of him. I see his white mustache twitching and his foot kicking at the dirt, the smile wrinkles around his eyes gathering. It makes me smile to think of him.

I love you Uncle Grant.

Trials

2011-05-02T14:40:00.000-07:00

"No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God... and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven." -Orson F. Whitney

2011-04-22T23:34:00.005-07:00

I used to post ALL the time, remember? Back when my dreams were just dreams and I wasn't pulling my hair out over the reality of making them come true... This "living your dreams" crap is hard work. It kinda sucks actually. Dreaming is easy and much more rewarding in the moment. Actually doing something takes courage, hard work, money, time and other people.

The fact of the matter is, I haven't had anything to say for the past sixth months. I've been pouring EVERY OUNCE of creative, emotional and spiritual energy into finishing the screenplay. And now that that's done I just want to sit here and play Mahjong on my computer while my pasty white skin grows ever more translucent on my way to morphing into a cave newt because I haven't seen the sun since October.

And I can't get enough Wheat Thins.

Full Circle

2011-03-15T03:06:00.005-07:00

On March 12, 2008 - three full years ago - Paul and I arrived in Hanoi, Vietnam where I posted this blog.

It was my first time out of the country and I was dealing with some major culture shock in the first 24 hours along with some brutal jet lag.

Paul and I had also just celebrated our first wedding anniversary, we had uprooted ourselves so that all our belongings were in storage, and we literally owned no physical address whatsoever. Our car was left in some woman's driveway in a rough area of D.C. and all our mail was forwarded to Paul's parents' house. We were definitely on an adventure and I couldn't even tell you which way was up.

I had already done all my kicking and screaming when we moved away from L.A. I added in some pouts and some sob sessions somewhere between Baltimore and The White House in the following months, so by the time we hit southeast Asia I was ready to embrace my next mission: The Screenplay.

THE screenplay. (Yes, the one I've been working on this whole time.)

You see, finding out that one's identity is not where you plant your feet, was a huge lesson for me. Now that I was in this strange land with this strange, new version of myself, what next? I could only look so far into the future. Paul may or may not get accepted to business school. We may or may not end up near the Boston area. I may or may not do some acting there. I may or may not....blah blah blah. I had no idea what was to become of me and all this pent up creative talent I had in me needing to burst forth!

So I did what any person would do. I prayed. You see, because I had an idea for a story. A story I felt needed to be told. But like most HUMONGOUS endeavors, I'm not going to do it if it's not right for me to do it. And the only person who knows is God himself.

So His answer was "yes". A small yes but a yes nonetheless. So I got to work. In Vietnam. After spending the morning in a bus all over the city and teaching elementary school kids English, I'd ride the bus back to our shared apartment and sit on the hardest little wooden bed and wrack my brain for a beginning. An image. A feeling. It began there and it grew.

Hanoi 2008

And for the next three long, tormented, agonizing, hopeless, awful, challenging, bury-me-now, I-just-want-this-to-be-over, why-am-I-not-finished, I want to die! years, I found courage in the face of fear and faith in the moments of doubt. And it was so worth it.

Zion 2009

New Hampshire 2010

I tried to work on it everywhere we went and if I wasn't working on it I was thinking about it- which is a way of working on it... Carrying books and notepads, journals and sticky notes, quotes and scribbles everywhere I went. To Zion park for two weeks I'd be typing away under the desert sun. In John and Heather's basement during a windy May. In Maine cabins on the lake with all the Smarts I'd be huddled in some chair with my pen and headphones. Waking up in New Hampshire in the middle of countless nights, tip-toeing through the dark to reach a pen and paper before lightning strikes of inspiration left me...It's all I have thought about, every single day and every sleepless night.

I finished polishing my 5th draft today and I'm finally happy with it. I'm proud of it. In fact, it rocks.

Could it be better? Always. But that's not my job anymore. This is where the village comes in. The director, the actors, the DP, the crew, the set designers...and we make it better together.

For now, I owe all the credit to God for helping me whenever I needed it, whenever I asked, and leaving me alone when I needed me...and helping me understand the difference and why that was so important for my growth. I am humbled to discover just how much He cares about what I care about- and sometimes simply (and perhaps only) because I love and care about that something so much. If all this writing was simply for that, then that's a wonderful gift.

Rome 2010

One of my favorite moments was this past summer in Italy. I was kneeling in the hot dirt tying grape vines in the middle of the countryside. I was listening to my ipod pondering the day when ZAP! The idea that turned the whole theme of my story came like a bolt of lightning into my brain! I poked my head up and began running back to the house. Over ditches, through weeds under the arbors to get to a pen and paper before it left me! That was nothing short of God saying, "Here you go." He's awesome like that.

I owe a ton of credit to my husband who puts up with my daily undulating emotions of doubt and elation. Who's my biggest fan every single day without fail. I love you so much. Thank you to Corey Blake, Hilary Smoot, and Alex Meader for your inspiring insight, excitement and support. Thank you to mom and dad for always asking me how it's going. Especially when the going was rough.

Seattle 2011

Three years is a really long time. I'm glad I didn't rush it. (Heaven knows I tried!) I may not be in Vietnam today, but my mind flashes back to my little room and the exotic sounds of the city coming through my window during those balmy afternoons. Ideas growing into images. Images giving emotions flight. Emotions deciding actions. Who knew that so much power could be born inside such a small space?

Best of 2010

2011-01-29T19:58:00.002-08:00

Oh dear blog. I know. I know. Slap me on the wrist for neglecting you!

I've been on a leave of absence... in my head. I've been squeezing myself into the tiny crawl spaces in my brain and sitting there for weeks on end until I can muster up a new wrinkle to squeeze me out on Sundays. Then back in I go. The screenplay is completed but finished it is not. Almost... "A poem is never finished" they say and so day in and day out I rack my brain for polished dialogue and ways for scenes to fit more smoothly. It must sound very romantic but I assure you... it is not! I am plagued by perfection that doesn't exist!

Hence my neglect of the blog. But she's back, folks!

In the meantime, I thought I would indulge you with some lighthearted never-before-seen footage of this last year's highlights and some moments that I will never forget.

Enjoy.

Gotta start it off with Paul getting his masters degree. He worked his tail off and I'm so proud of him!

The lowlight however, is having to leave our New Hampshire friends and allies behind.

In June we were able to explore Rome and even though we are not Catholic, we were truly blown away by THE Basilica in Vatican City. Heaven can inspire man to create beautiful things.

And beautiful moments like this one right here. A romantic balmy evening in Rome.

The lowlight being that we got stuck inside the Vatican. There was no way out! It was like the Wonka factory. No matter which way we went we ended up in some courtyard or dead end but never an actual exit! We got so lost! Due in part of course by the incredibly bad signage that plagues Rome. When we ended up here I was about to give up and be baptized!

But no master artist is greater than God himself.

A big highlight for me was seeing a real play inside the real Ford's Theater in D.C.

And visiting Thomas Jefferson's estate, Monticello, in Virginia...

The lowlight: Learning he owned 300 slaves and housed them in tiny shacks no bigger than this foundation of stones.

I'm sure if slaves had their freedom back then they would do more opportune things with their talents like us:

Outside Rome we stayed with an Italian couple who drove us to the top of a medieval city and we couldn't believe Michele squeezed us through these extremely tight passageways with only an inch of room on each side!

My biggest highlight of 2010 was my entire England trip. The whole week I spent there was AMAZING. It didn't rain the whole time I was there. I went everywhere and I felt like I was BFF's with the entire country. This video of me and my friend Claire says it all. After hiking to the top of Frogget's Edge and looking out.... Glorious GLORIOUS countryside!

On our trip to the Grand Canyon Paul and I were on a hike and talk about being in the right place at the right time!

Oh man. During our two week stay with my mom in the Oregon mountains, Paul decided to not shave his upper lip as a joke. Everyone loved it so he kept it until we left. Without further adieu, The Man, The Myth, The Legend..........Magnum.

My mom!

Highlight! Visiting Jack White's recording studio in Nashville!

Lowlight: This creepy hotel room.

Highlight! Visiting Graceland in Memphis!

Seeing the actual "jungle room"!

Lowlight: Finding out Elvis is dead.

I've really wanted to participate in a flash mob and in December my friend Connor hooked me up with Bobby Bonsey, Seattle's premier flash mob organizer!

To view the official flash mob video click here.

Definite highlight: Texas Barbecue!

And Paul taking a picture and a cowboy in a ten gallon hat asks, "Goin' own face boooook?"

Highlight: San Antonio. 'Nuff said.

Highlight: Seeing a freaking ancient aqueduct out in the middle of nowhere in Spain!

Lowlight: Dropping and breaking my camera so the nice guy who offered to take pictures of me could capture the essence of the perfectly parallel cement walkway circa 1994.

Highlight: Discovering my mom's extensive collection of unlocked and always loaded guns she keeps "hidden" throughout her house.

Including this pistol she always keeps in her pocket... Loaded.

Highlight: No stop in Idaho would be complete without a van ride with the Smart boys.

Highlight: Being cast in the Seattle short film, "Love and War" and meeting some of the coolest, talented filmmakers I've ever met.

Highlight: A table surrounded by laughing Italians all talking loud and with hand gestures. The local baker, cheese maker, and the guy who brought the goat we roasted and ate!

WORST. DAY. EVEEEEERRRRRRRR.

After an hour of "Let's explore!" outside our village just east of Rome, deciding to turn around and go home after a torrential downpour, it took us ALLLLLLL DAAAAAAAAY to get back to the vineyard. First by missing the bus and having to wait for it, then taking the wrong bus then ending up somewhere random and waiting for the bus that never came then jumping on the wrong train then waiting for the other train and finally catching the train....in the wrong direction. Never. Again.

Best. Day. Ever.

And this unforgettable moment.

And this one.

Best Christmas gift EVER. Thanks sister Lynn!

Highlight: Paul starting his new job!

Lowlight: Paul starting his new job.

Highlight: Finishing the screenplay!

Lowlight: Not finishing the screenplay.

More Love and War Stills

2010-10-03T20:49:00.000-07:00

Love and War - A Short Film

2010-09-30T16:07:00.001-07:00

I can't tell you how excited I am to have met these guys. Director/writer Lautaro Gabriel Gonda and his nauseatingly talented posse set out to make this film about the war to end all wars and the love to end all loves.

Several weeks ago I answered a casting call on Craigslist. CRAIGSLIST, people! And was lucky to get an audition with Gabe and he was nice enough to give me the lead actress role of "Ophelia" opposite the lead of the story, Bjorn Whitney, who plays "Rafe" a soldier wounded in the war. You never know what you're going to get when you answer a Craigslist gig ad - and to be honest - it's against my better judgement. Not only for safety reasons, but for quality control as well. But after our first rehearsal when I got to know Gabe a little better, I left thinking, "this is going to be good."

But then the weirdest thing happened. The day before shooting, the AD sent out call sheets. CALL SHEETS, people! This is a highly organized form, sent via email, including ALL the info you need to know for shooting day. What, where, when, who, how etc. I thought to myself, "Call sheets? Only 'real' movies have the organizational wherewithal to send out call sheets! Who are these people? "

Then I show up on set last Saturday and it's the real deal. They have lights. Real ones. A real set. Real equipment! So we start shooting our scenes and it's going really well. We, the actors, have no idea what it looks like. What kind of camera were they using anyway? The DP's (director(s) of photography - i.e. the ones handling the camera and the shots) are these two 22 year old fresh-out-of-film-school boys who kept saying, "YES! THAT LOOKS AWESOME!" every five minutes. So finally they had us look at ourselves in the monitor and holy crap they were right! It looked awesome!

After day two of shooting, they posted these pics on Facebook and I absolutely flipped out.

I threw this next one in for fun. Shizam!

For those of you who only watch big budget Hollywood movies or Independent features, you may not understand how many levels of crap there are in between. Especially on the short film end. Okay. Here's where I go ape s%it. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW TALENTED THESE KIDS ARE? The Director and the two DP's are like the golden trifecta, the holy tripod grail of raw, God-given talent! Short films aren't supposed to look this good! And these pictures aren't even moving! Credit is definitely due to the fantastic lighting crew, the gaffers, makeup, the sound guys and everyone in between! It takes a village and I am blown away by not only their talent, but their professionalism, their conduct on set, their energy and their constant good attitudes and willingness to be there despite the heat and the long days. YOU GUYS ROCK. They all are my new heroes.

They made my job as an actor so easy. Coming from Hollywood it's easy to get high and mighty about projects you do if you've run with the big dogs a few times. But I have to say, I would be honored to work with this group ANY day.

Stay tuned for more as the project nears completion!

Written and Directed by Gabriel Gonda
Cinematography by Alex Meader & Connor Hair

Seattle. First Impressions.

2010-09-28T22:33:00.001-07:00

Long overdue indeed.

Paul and I have been living in Seattle now for nearly 2 months! Here is a brief overview of our first impressions so far:

The Weather: Because we all know that's what you're really interested in.

So far, the weather here has been very New Hampshire-esque. Which is fine, because that means we're used to some rain. But honestly, our end-of-summer experience here has been perfect. Our days are usually 65-70 degrees. Just enough for a light sweater in the morning and evening, and glorious sun or crisp coolness in the afternoon. We'll have two days of absolutely gorgeous sunshine and then a day and a half of rain. It keeps life interesting. We have really been enjoying the overcast skies as it encourages my English blood to drink tea and cuddle up on the couch with a good movie....but... when 3:30pm rolls around and it still feels like 8am, that's when I'm like, "Maybe I should go outside today."

The Area:
And what a playground we have! This place is gorgeous! I'm talking all around Seattle. First of all, downtown Seattle is nice to look at. I'm not exactly sure why it's nicknamed "The Emerald City" but my guess is because it looks like a city floating in the sky. Like something out of The Wizard of Oz. It's not difficult to imagine Pegasus and dragons flying around it. There is Lake Union right there, with sea planes landing and sail boats sailing. In the evening when the sun is low it looks like the Nile. Puget Sound to the west never ceases with activity. Large ships and ferries bring people and goods to the port. The islands in the near distance look mystical and friendly. I haven't been out there yet, but I'm pretty sure they are inhabited by hobbits. I feel like we're at the edge of the world. There are parks and gardens EVERYWHERE. We live within walking distance to five parks. Probably more we don't even know about!

Our Home:
Our condo is a nice (and small) one bedroom we rent in a quaint neighborhood at the very top of a large hill called "Queen Anne" neighborhood. We can walk to Trader Joes, 7-11, all kinds of cute restaurants, a nail place, a drug store, a farmers market, a place to get my brows shaped, and a cute clothing boutique.

I really did have to take a picture of our bathroom because it took me FOR-EVERRR to find a stinking shower curtain that didn't have a pattern that made you want to roll your eyes. Must everything at Target, Bed Bath and Beyond and Kohls declare "I'm trying really hard to be stylish! But I can't afford it!" ?? Then, who knew that finding a matching, functional soap dispenser would be Mission: Impossible ? With the rug, I got lucky. Bear with me. These are the things women care about when they near thirty.

Here's some fun.

What I was trying to say was, here is the best part about where we live:

Sometimes Mt. Rainier is shy and likes to hide. But she's back there.

Here's a professional picture (that I did not take) of the view from Kerry Park when the mountain emerges from her misty berth.

From this park we can walk a few more blocks west and there's another little park with this gorgeous view!

Here's Lake Union on the other side of Queen Anne. This is the one that looks like The Nile when there's a bunch of sailboats out there.

Gas Works Park is one of my favorite spots. It looks like a cartoon.

Paul takes the bus to work every morning and I can hop on and within ten minutes I'm at Pike Place Market, along the water front, or at the Seattle Center next to the Space Needle. This really is an awesome city.

Here is the resident troll in Fremont. That's my friend, Clint, (he's the guy next to me, in case you were confused) who I haven't seen since high school. He came to pay a visit on his way up north. Below is a park near "The Locks" which is a water way that connects Lake Union to Puget Sound.

Boats go in and the water level is raised or lowered to the level of the body of water they will be entering. It's really cool.

Seattle's Own:
So when we first arrived here, we noticed some things that are "different'' than other places we've lived:

1.) The double wave - This is when a street is too skinny for two cars to drive down at the same time, so one person waits on one end while the other goes through. This not only merits one wave of thanks from the native Seattilite, but TWO waves. Like a "thanks", "THANKS!" We then have the reaction of, "Dude, it's no big deal. Really."

2.) People here are genuinely nice. Like, they start conversations with you. On purpose. Out of nothing. We'll be taking an evening stroll and someone walking their dog will pass us and just stop and talk to us like they know us but forgot our names, but it doesn't matter because they loved that sweet potato pie we brought over last Sunday. ( But we didn't). And it's all totally normal. And we all go on our way smiling.

3.) Driving here is like maneuvering through a closed test course for new cars. Don't get me started. First of all, downtown is all one-way streets, so that's "fun". Second, the lanes will be straight as an arrow and then all of a sudden shift to the left five feet, so people (and myself) drive into others' lanes all the time without knowing it and get honked at. Three, signage here suuucks. You'll be going down a busy street and all of a sudden find yourself in a turning lane with no way out. Where was the warning? Where was the sign 500 feet before now? Or even worse, I'll be driving down a one-way street and all of a sudden it says "Do Not Enter!" and it just ends. Okay...? Guess I'll turn somewhere? Fourth, it rains here a lot so you'd think it would be a given that Seattle would need FRESH reflective paint on the roads. Nope. It's all faded. Our two lane avenue to our house doesn't have any marks clearly defining that it's two lanes and not one. (Had to learn that the hard way.) Fifth, Some streets in the morning and evening, during certain hours unknown to me, turn into "Buses ONLY" streets. The entire street! ( I had to learn that the hard way too!) Sixth, some neighborhoods (ours) don't have stop signs! Not even round-abouts or yield signs! It's more like, driving, driving, intersection, SURPRISE!!! Another car!! Seventh, our first day here I got a stupid parking ticket for not backing in to the parking spot. Who backs in? That's so 1985. So I got a parking ticket that wasn't cheap and after my long, painful affairs with the Los Angeles meter maids (and probably over $2000, a boot, and suspended registration later) I wasn't about to pay this mofo. So I'm contesting it the way a good woman should. HA!
So as you can see, navigating Seattle isn't recommended to visitors or new-comers. Not by me at least! I'm a fantastic L.A. driver and here I've almost side-swiped ten different bicyclists. I told ya not to get me started...

Smells Like: well, right now, Fall. Crisp, cool, clean air. Always a light breeze here at the top of the hill.

Feels Like: Freedom. Whuuuuh? Did I just write that? Woah. Somebody's been doing some growing up! Hmmm. I mean, this is coming from the girl who kicked and screamed and shouted her way out of L.A. because there exists no other universe outside it. But this is also the girl who found happiness in the sticks of New Hampshire in the middle of January. Could it be that we have arrived? I'll keep you posted on that thought...

Tastes Like: Mist

Sounds Like: Quiet. Peace. At night the wind picks up and sings us to sleep as it blows the leaves on the tree-lined streets. Downtown seems to bustle with it's own soundtrack. Like a mix of Xylophones and acoustic guitars. With Eddie Vedder on vocals. On sunny days I think I hear a harmonica.

Looks Like: Blue and silver. Green and slate.

Not two months here and I am happy to call Seattle "home". I'm getting good at this moving thing. On top of that, I can't believe I just spelled "Xylophones" correctly. Come visit!

Phases of Phrases

2010-09-28T01:06:00.001-07:00

I was just going through the archives of my blog, reviewing the last two years and what I've recorded. I was admittedly a bit shocked to find how, to put it bluntly, crazy I sound. Some of the posts I revisited made me say, "Yikes" on the inside.

There was a lot going on. Leaving a place I didn't want to leave (Los Angeles), moving to a place I didn't want to move to (New Hampshire), feeling under fire for all the Prop 8 crap, facing my fears and starting the process of the screenplay, figuring out what God really sees in me, and really, accepting but living through the pain of a life change, gritting my teeth as I sacrificed things of the moment for the investment of our future. It was hard. And I was angry.

So I ranted. I said some stupid things. I said some intelligent things. I changed my mind since then on how I view different issues, different principles. ( But Judd Apatow will always be a nimrod and I'll always be searching for the perfect potluck.)

Within this blog, these past three years, I've found my voice, my sense of humor, and a couple of vertebrae that were missing from my backbone. I started out stuck in my mother-in-law's basement and ended up on the other side of the world several times since.

I've risked looking like a "crazy Christian" in my posts about God and standards and testimony. It wouldn't be that difficult either to call me "dramatic". I'm a hopeless romantic. I hate it when people are upset with me. I've laughed and cried within these posts. I've made fun of myself, been hard on myself, and a day later, figured out how amazing I can be at cooking a new recipe or by some small experience, catch a glimpse of how divine my potential really is.

On the surface it would be easy to think that I'm positively certifiable. Most of you have been on this wild ride of mine all over the face of the earth since the very beginning. You've been a part of my growth, my clarity, my childishness and vulnerability. At this point, I can't believe the strides I've made, especially in the last eight months. How different it all is now!

Now we've reached Seattle, the "ending up" place after this long affair. We're happy and glad. But it's just the beginning really. All this time and all these posts were just the gearing up phase and the preparation for the jumping off point. We've got a purpose and it's no coincidence we're in Seattle.

Won't you join me on my new adventures in a new place? There's so much more to discover!
We're here now.

How We Spent Our Summer Vacation - Part 5

2010-08-27T15:48:00.001-07:00

Paul had never been to or seen a redwood forest let alone a redwood tree before, so we took the long way from Utah and back up to Oregon so I could show him places along the west coast that are dear to my memory. I'd say he loved it.

We drove along Avenue of the Giants and stopped in at Founder's Grove. If you haven't been here before, put it on your bucket list folks because this place is magical.

Aside from our giddy silliness, it is places like this that still provoke an immense sense of awe and reverence for the Master artist.

Do you see the little boy chillin' in the roots?

Do you see Paul in this picture below?

On our way up to Klamath Falls, Oregon we passed through Eureka where my dad lived when I was younger and we drove through Crescent City. My sister and I would spend half the summer there under the fog and overcast skies in the smelly coastal towns and roll down sand dunes and pet cows and dream about horses while I collected scrap lumber on my dad's construction sites. I hadn't been through there in years and it brought a smile to my face to smell the smells and feel the coolness of the little coastal towns.

We made a very spontaneous decision to jump out of the car near Humbug and frolic in the ocean. I'm so glad we did! What a glorious journey!

We finally reached my mom's house up near Lake of the Woods in Oregon. We met up with Ron's daughter Mariah and her family too for some food and games!

Here's mom and Ron being all cute and old together.

Here's me being a total babe.

Here's everyone else NOT going in the water.

But I guess it was a nice afternoon for sitting.

One of the Oregon highlights included seeing Brett and Kimberly and Company (my brother's family) and singing karaoke in his living room. Bust out the Wham!

He makes these GORGEOUS cedar chests perfect for anyone's daughter or son or wife or husband and they make fantastic life-long gifts. And they smell soooo good!

This is Malachi.

These are all my cute niephews. We missed Christian!

My mom's house is great because it's surrounded by pine trees and little colorful birds and these terrible squirrels that squawk when the sun rises and wake you up so you go outside to throw pine cones at them hoping a hawk will swoop down and eat them. She also has a pair of cats and Princess loves to swing on the hammock.

The best day was when we went to the lake again and we all went swimming. Such cool refreshment!

We BBQ'd shish-kabobs and corn on the cob! SOOO GOOD!

The funniest thing ever was when Paul shaved one day and left a small mustache of hair as a joke, but I LOVED it so he kept it the whole time we were in Oregon for 2 weeks. So awesome.

His mustache soon had a name. But only a name suggesting bravery and intense heat would do.
Thus, Magnum was born.

I just love looking at his face! And even more so with this new "charisma caterpillar" across his upper lip.

I wanted to give him a Camero for his birthday and a pack of Marlboro Lights and that's when we knew it was getting out of hand.

It was really hot the whole time in Oregon but one day we were hit with a spontaneous hail storm. A BIG hail storm!

We loved spending time with Mom and Ron and all their little critters in the pine trees but Paul and I had to reach our destination of Seattle before he started work on August 9th. So we packed up Buster (our Mazda) and headed back to the coast so Paul could see the REAL Oregon coast.

This is my home.

Canon Beach is awesome!

How We Spent Our Summer Vacation - Part 4

2010-08-27T14:09:00.002-07:00

From the Grand Canyon we headed up to Rexburg, Idaho to spend Independence Day with the Idaho Smarts. We have to admit that the first thing on our mind was making a stop at the local shaved iced shack, "Snoasis". Paul dreams about this place. We spent about a week with John and his family and in that time, Paul and I purchased about 24 drinks, filling out our punch-cards so we could get the "buy 12 get one free" deal. Favorite flavors? Paul's is Tiger's Blood and mine is Malibu Barbie. Mmmmmm Snoasis....

Heather took us polly wogging near the sand dunes where the winter rain run off collects and warms over the summer leaving a large lake 2 1/2 feet deep the whole way across. Perfect for kids!

Catching tadpoles!

Disgusting little creatures.

Uncle Paul doing what he does best!

John took us all on a hike way up in the mountains where we actually crossed into Yellowstone Park boundaries. The mosquitoes were trying to eat us alive but we prevailed.

Brothers!

Joseph, Heather, Peter and James.

We hiked down near a calmer part of the river and attempted to go for a swim but 3 seconds in that freezing run off water and I was out like a cat on fire! I don't know how the guys stayed in!

I love these pictures here. It's John with his ducklings.

Independence Day was awesome. Rexburg has this cute town parade with all the old-time charm and none of the political activist nonsense. Tractors, horses, floats, 4-H clubs, soldiers, departing missionaries ... Even Darth was there!

I have never seen so much candy being thrown at a small-time parade! Well, it wasn't so much the volume as the SIZE of what they were throwing! One float was chucking frozen otter pops and this local dairy was handing out chocolate milk by the crate-full!

At one point one of the floats passing by had people dancing and they came to the side lines and pulled John into the parade and put a coat and hat on him and he danced! They couldn't have picked a more willing guy! Then they came and grabbed Heather to join him!

That night Paul and I went to a rodeo at the Rexburg fairgrounds and it was the most action-packed rodeo I've ever been to! There was a huge bull in particular that, after throwing his rider, did not want to go back into the holding pen. He charged at the wranglers' horses and he was so angry! On two occasions the bull leaped straight up high into the air, twisted onto his side, and fell, BOOM! right on the ground on his side. He was huge and I swear Paul and I could feel the ground shake. I wish we had a picture of it!

As the evening came we got to witness a beautiful Idaho sunset! There were about 20 missionaries at the rodeo and I love how you can see them here in the half light.

Sunday after church, Paul and I drove down to Idaho Falls to visit with my cousins, aunts and grandma on my dad's side. We had a BBQ and just a WONDERFUL time! I miss you guys so much!

Here's cousin Jason playing with some of the kids.

Cousin Kristy and Aunt Sheri, Aunt Kathy and cousin Jed.

I love my grandma Fern.

Me with Grandma and aunts with cousins Rachel and Alex! That's Ali, Mackay's wife in the middle. They're all so awesome!

I love Rexburg. I'd live there. At least during the summer.. I'd absolutely love to be around all the family all the time! Before we left Idaho the Smarts took us down into an ice cave out in the middle of the desert.

Yeah. It was really dark and scary down there. All I could think about was that the Blair Witch must have relatives.

It took forever for my eyes to adjust since my flashlight wasn't much help. Heather brought mint lifesavers so we did that Lifesavers trick and chewed them quickly to see them spark!

I was really happy to be out of there!

Afterward we went to Beaver Dick Park (yes that's the real name) and John and Paul built a fire while we roasted marshmallows and made delicious 'smores!

Then the little boys played on the playground. And by little boys I mean Paul and John.

How gorgeous is Idaho?! It doesn't even need any help to be it's own picturesque masterpiece everywhere you look! God is awesome.

So is Heather! Look at these jumps!

Next stop, UTAH! To visit the rest of the neiphews in West Jordan and American Fork!

I just love Madeline's and Beth's hair in this one.

Paul's sister Meredith is pregnant....and apparently so is Paul. Wasn't me.

His bro Michael drove us up into the canyon to experience a river twice as cold as that Idaho river. Seriously. Is it all glacier water?!

It was a very beautiful place nonetheless! But how do they stand there!

Emma! She happily took this one herself! Sneaky!

We played tag in the park and the Emma was it and the rule was she had to close her eyes to hunt for her victims but Paul outsmarted her (pun intended) and was never caught!

My happy reader.

It was Emma's birthday so we celebrated with the fantastic Udall family! They're so great!

Happy birthday Emma!

It has been a long time since I've had a 4th of July holiday as good as this year's. Independence day is my favorite holiday because I'm a hopeless patriot at times and I just love summer and fireworks and family. The good stuff. Thanks everyone for sharing it with us! xox

How We Spent Our Summer Vacation - Part 3

2010-08-13T22:55:00.000-07:00

Two words. TEXAS BBQ.

A smoke pit FILLED with meat.

I've developed an odd appreciation for public bathrooms that get the toilet paper dispenser right. There are so many ergonomic and efficient ways to dispense toilet paper but it seems 99% of public restrooms don't understand this. The Salt Lick in Driftwood Texas not only gets BBQ supremely right but they also get toilet paper dispensers supremely right! I just had to take a picture!

We stopped in Austin for the night to see what all the fuss was about because at least 50 of our friends say they "LOVE it" and they'd "Totally move there!" But maybe that's because the bats did their job...

So under this bridge resides the world's largest bat habitat. That's right. They live under this bridge. But you can't see them, you can only hear them skwaking around under there and there are signs saying, "watch out for bat droppings" but they're waiting for their curtain call. It's a very popular thing in Austin for people and families to flock to this bridge come dusk and then when the sun sets, THOUSANDS OF BATS COME POURING OUT INTO THE SKY!!! From under this bridge! So Paul and I head down there WAY too early before sunset and other people sit on the grass next to the bridge having picnics and their kids run around acting like bats. And it starts getting darker and more and more people gather and it's like we're all waiting for the Rose Parade. There's even vendors selling light-sticks and buttons. (We totally bought a button that says "Keep Austin Batty!")

So we wait and wait and the sun sets. On top of the bridge people line the street! There are BOATS next to us out on the river where people paid money to get the best view of these "THOUSANDS" of bats and they're waiting too.

Well people are really restless now and the kids are crying and everyone starts to leave and we're just sitting there in the dark totally dumbfounded by the most anti-climactic event we have ever NOT witnessed. The bats never swooped. A few just kinda flew around under the bridge. Stupid bats.

Oh! Earlier in the day we visited the capital building that was HUUUUUUUGE and awesome.

There was a nice memorial celebrating the pride and heroism of the confederate soldiers during the Civil War.

Wait, Confederate Soldiers?!? What?

It's like that time in Vietnam when we asked a 5th grader what she knew about the Vietnam war and she says, "Well. We won." ....Always a nice reminder that the stories you were taught growing up weren't the only stories and that there's two sides to every coin.

Okay here we go...another BBQ place in Texas. Yes, this one's a chain, but MMMMM BOY is it soooooo good! If you ever go, tell them it's your first time and they'll let you sample everything. Then they give you this big box of meat on butcher paper and you eat it all with your bare hands! (Not really. I mean, you can if you want, but we had forks) But we really chowed down till we were ill.

Funniest part was when Paul ran back inside to snap this picture and this cowboy in a ten-gallon hat says to him, "Goin' on Facebooook?" In a really thick drawl. And Paul says, "Yup" and they both laugh... he laughs because of Facebook and Paul laughs because of the other guy's accent!

Austin was "a'ight" but SAN ANTONIO was fantastic!!! I LOVE San Antonio!!!!

The Alamo!!! I wanted to do a jump picture sooo bad but once I did a jump picture on a quick stop at Gettysburg and I felt TERRRIBLE so I don't do jumps where people died for their country. ...unless it's in a graveyard....and it's JWB.....then I dance. But not here. Click on the pick below to read the inspiring plaque.

First of all, it was SOOOOO hoooooot in San Antonio. Muggy. But the city was full of color!

I love the energy here.

After strolling along the river walk, we went to this awesome Mexican restaurant and they had awesome food...

And I loved the way it was decorated. Who doesn't love twinkle lights?

Look look LOOK at this amazing Texas sky over The Alamo!!!!!!

I was sad to say goodbye to San Antonio. I could live there I think. The next day was Sunday so we went to church in Albuquerque and LOVED the ward.

We drove on to Roswell, New Mexico and stopped in at the Roswell UFO museum!

Some super fascinating stuff here! They had signed accounts from all kinds of people back in 1947 of what they saw and heard, etc. Click on the photo to enlarge.

All the accounts said that the FBI came into their homes and threatened them not to talk about it anymore. Neighbors said that the rancher who owned the land where the spaceship crashed was talking all about it and showing metal from the ship to people and then after the FBI came into town they said soon he was driving a brand new truck and had new ranch equipment and never said another word about the crash. So they say he got paid off because he "never had two pennies to rub together before the incident". It really makes ya wonder....

And what's a UFO museum without a little Dana and Fox? Hey! Who's that alien in the purple shirt?

We continued on our journey toward Arizona, bummed that we were three days early for the Roswell UFO Festival!!! Talk about a missed opportunity to go people-watching!

But we had more glorious and important things to see.....like the Grand Canyon!!!

We pulled into the park perfectly at sunset. We had never seen the Grand Canyon in person before and it literally took our breath away.

It is impossible to feel anything but total awe and reverence when you see such a spectacular creation. It was such an obvious manifestation that God not only exists but that He is a master artist and has nothing but our happiness in mind.

We spent the night in one of the lodges thanks to Paul being so internet deal savvy. One of the employees was really good at his job and when we checked in suggested that because it was a full moon, we should drive to one of the lookout points, get out and walk the path along the edge and "the full moon will be so bright you can read a book in the dark!" So we said, WHY NOT?! Walking along the edge of a thousand foot cliff with no flashlights in the middle of the night among the wildlife seems like a PERFECTLY GOOD IDEA!

So we got in our car, drove out to a desserted lookout point, parked our car, and gleefully galloped up the cement path toward the biggest hole that ever existed, and as soon as the lights from the parking lot faded behind us and we made it through the clearing of brush, we hit the brakes. Nothing but blackness surrounds us. Uuuum, where's the moon? We look up and it's covered by clouds. We take a few more steps and a light, warm breeze blows my hair off my shoulders. I can't see ten feet in front of me (and we stay on the cement path), but an odd feeling was in the pit of my stomach. Quiet. It was so. Quiet. Not a sound. My eyes quickly adjusted to the darkness and the bright full moon came out behind a passing cloud and that's when I saw the darkened abyss spread out before my feet. The canyon, that sleeping beast was. right. there.

It was like this:

But only awesomer. Because it was at night.

I freaked out, half scarred out of my mind but mostly elated at our daring adventure and the still very fresh excitement of seeing one of the wonders of the world for the first time and sharing with it, a quiet time, a special moment that only Paul and I had together. We knew that come morning, scores of people would be crowding her edges and buses and snapping endless pictures (we were two of those people) but for right now, right then, the whole canyon was ours.

Eventually our eyes were able to see well and we followed the path around peaceful corners and breezy vistas. The moon came out fully from the clouds for only a few minutes and we could see our shadows clear as day! What a magical place!

The next morning we awoke bright and early for a light hike.We met up with a ranger who guided a group of us about a mile or so below the rim to some nice lookouts. He said only 5% of visitors ever go below the rim. Most people just "stop by and take a quick look." Are they nuts?!

This is a plant that grows crazy fast. Something like 13 inches a day. You cant' really tell but this plant is about 8-9 feet high.

We looked out over "Squaw Peak" which, thanks to bleeding heart activists, it has now been changed to "Navajo Peak" and the local Indian tribes are like, "Dude. "squaw" isn't derogatory. We're not offended by it." Sigh... Why can't we just leave the Indians alone...

(England represent!!)

So it turns out that visitors' chances of getting struck by lightning are double that of falling over the edge. Every year it's something like ten people get struck by lightning - and five morons who go walking on the cliff edge at night during a full moon fall off.

There was an old founder's cemetery near one of the lodges. I LOVE cemeteries and really wanted to see some old tombstones but this one is really the only one. It was made of wood!

Dramatic tree:

So here, I got this zoomed in because it was a really hot day and I was becoming braver and braver and I was like, "Hmm I think I'll just step out onto that little ledge there and snap this cool picture of the river. Come on, what's gonna happen?" So I begin to take a step and then out of nowhere in the dry stagnant heat of the day, a huge gust of wind whips across me and pushes me back and I say to myself, "NEVERMIND!!! Heh heh heh!" and I take five steps backwards...And I made a promise to God I would never tempt disaster ever again!

This is the only fence we ever saw. Every other lookout point is just a huge drop-off. We saw mothers with their little kids go RIGHT to the edge and look over with their toddler standing next to them not secured by anything. I couldn't even look.

We had such a wonderful time at the Grand Canyon. As we drove out of the park we loved how the slot canyons wound around through a seemingly endless land.

Continuing our spontaneity we pulled off the side of the road and ran down a dirt road to get a great view!

Behind Paul is a huge drop-off. We were throwing rocks and didn't hear a sound! I just love how flat the earth is and it just ENDS!

We drove right past the bottom of Lake Powell and we were seduced by it's refreshing blue waters so we took another spontaneous pit stop to explore!

We almost stripped down and went swimming.

Instead, we danced.

We were right next to Bryce Canyon and really wanted to go (We've been there before...) but after driving a few miles in, we turned around and continued our trip. People were expecting us in Utah.

How We Spent Our Summer Vacation - Part 2

2010-08-13T17:19:00.001-07:00

First stop? Memphis! First Memphis stop? Graceland!

Paul and I LOVED loved loved Elvis' house. It was so cool.

The house was left in the decor and condition it was back when Elvis, Priscilla and Lisa Marie were living here. The tour provided ear phones with personal narration by Lisa Marie and clips of Elvis songs.

Paul especially loved the "jungle room" where green shag carpet even lined the ceiling!

It smelled like the '70's in that house. And even though I was born in the 80's, I know what the 70's smell like because my mom had two gold couches, a gold rug and a yellow refrigerator with matching blender when I was growing up. Now there were parts of the property that had been converted/built to showcase all his gold records and suits and such.

The awards were overwhelming.

Don't you find it a bit freaky how people like to take pictures of remnants of personal affects from people they've never met? It's so weird! ...I love it! It's all about stories. There's a story in each little thing.

Here's Elvis' black leather suit..... and Paul contemplating his own masculinity.

The racquetball court had been turned into another trophy room. Floor to ceiling.

Oh it was so cute! They had horses there that resembled the very horses Elvis bought for Priscilla!

I want that pool.

So they buried Elvis in a cemetery when he first died and then decided to move him to Graceland and bury him in the backyard instead. Paul was bummed we didn't see any old women crying but with the house in great shape it's no wonder people think he's still alive!

Mmmmmm Memphis BBQ!

We stopped in Nashville real quick to get a look at my favorite band The White Stripes recording studio. We gave a shout out to Jack White.

On to New Orleans!!!

The freeway turned into this causeway that just stretched out for like 35 miles over the water. Nothing but bayou. And people lived out there!

A storm was a brewin' and the sky was bright and gray. It seemed as though we were on a freeway that was taking us to the end of the world! Like it was just going to drop off or something! My eyes didn't know what to believe.

How could people live out here? How could people NOT leave when a huge hurricane was coming? There's nothing but water! It was so surreal to see the Super Dome.

I didn't think I would like New Orleans. And I was already spooked! But we soon found the city to be very delightful, very friendly, and very delicious!

We also had gator nuggets. This is Paul's shrimp po'boy.

There was a part of the city that had beautiful homes like in Beverly Hills lining the streets.

That night we walked to a jazz club called "The Spotted Cat" and listened to some live New Orleans jazz. We couldn't help but dance around. (Please ignore obnoxious girl's back).

We stayed at the Place d'Armes Hotel in the French Quarter where a hotel hand told us if we wanted to take a dip in the pool after hours he wouldn't say anything. So we did!

I really really loved New Orleans and would like to go back and spend more time there. We didn't see any Katrina remnants but then again you don't know if a house was boarded up because of that or if because it was simply run down.

This clock is A.M.

How We Spent Our Summer Vacation - Part 1

2010-08-13T16:40:00.000-07:00

Arriving home from Europe, we started to pack up our townhouse for the big move out to Seattle. We had all our belongings shipped out ahead of time and since Paul didn't have to be at his new Amazon job until August, we thought we'd made a two month road trip out of it!

But first, he still had to graduate...

We drove the hour and a half to Portsmouth to visit his Italian grandmother and had a lovely visit.

We stopped at the inna hahbah for one last look at the lighthouse and frolic on the beach. We'll miss this place!

It was a very dramatic time for me.

..Not really. But it was when Paul graduated! I am so proud of him!!

Here's our good friend Kevin who gave an awesome speech during the ceremony and received a standing ovation because he rocked the house and sent the dean into a panic attack.

Paul's brother John and family came over for the visit!!

Our last Sunday we said goodbye to the Youth Paul had taught. We'll miss them so!

And we said a sad goodbye to my favorite spot, The Lazy River.

We packed up the car and returned our keys to the rental office and away we went!! We first stopped in Churchville, MD just outside Baltimore to visit our good friends Jeff and Kristin. We dragged Kristin to the Baltimore cemetery where I could carry out my goal to visit the grave sites of JWB and Co. and somewhat quench my morbid fascination with him and all things assassin.

Paul doesn't share my enthusiasm.

Down the street from where Jeff and Kristin live is the cottage that the Booth family lived in. We peeked through the windows where we saw a painted portrait of the father.

After these photographs were taken, we realized we have destroyed any chance of ever running for office. So we went home and Kristin threw a nice BBQ for us and some old friends. BBQ for the Chmuras means formal dinner in the dining room. It was very nice!

The next day we continued our American history tour by visiting Lincolns summer cottage in D.C. (No jump pictures here. Too respectful. Indeed.)

Most of these homes, we weren't allowed to take pictures inside. We got such a nice feeling and sense about President Lincoln and how his life was back then and how he sought tranquility here. I loved it.

The day was hooooot so what better way to spend it than walking around the Mall! Paul found a great walking tour because we've been here before so we wanted a more educational experience.

Our guide was awesome. Did you know that when scientists measure the distance from the earth into outer space they measure it from a little spot at the Washington Monument? And did you know that the Washington Monument is a monument and not a memorial because Washington was alive during the construction's inception? (Inception is my new vocabulary word so I thought it fitting to use it in a sentence. It means 'to begin'.)

This is the home they carried Abraham Lincoln into after he was shot across the street at Ford's Theater.

We got to see a PLAY INSIDE Ford's Theater!!! What a dream!!! This is the actual Presidential Box with the real couches inside!! They had it decorated beautifully just as it was.

As we walked through the Mall Paul faced off with this squirrel. It just came right at him!

I'd like to specially point out the England bag that Paul is wearing that I got in England from Daisha. It was a bit awkward the whole tour through because all the stories of course are about our fight for independence from England. So England got a couple of jeers and a few semi-silent "Woop! Woops!" from me!

Did you know that no building built in D.C. can be taller than the Capital building? Here at the FBI headquarters we give a shout out and thumbs up to agents Scully and Mulder.

Back at the homestead (Paul's parent's house) we have a fantastic steak BBQ.

Grill Master.

We bid farewell to the 'rents and head down to Virginia and stop by Monticello, or better known as Thomas Jefferson's house.

The man was a wonder! He invented so many things and gadgets that we got to see inside his house like the plow thingy, the cove beds, the wine butler thingy and more!

Now I admit I've had a bit of a crush on TJ in the past but it was a bit too sad to find out how he managed all his slaves and only let 5 of them free before he died. I thought the tour gave a realistic and fair depiction. It's more than a bit unsettling but alas it was a different time and even he said it freedom for slaves couldn't happen in his lifetime. ...then along came Mr. Lincoln....a bit later....

We really enjoyed the tour. We highly recommend it!

We drove a bit further and decided to stop at a hotel before it got too late. It looked nice enough on the outside, but you're gonna tell me there's not a secret room and cameras behind that "mirror"?!!!

When in Rome...You Can't Help Acting Like An American

2010-08-13T13:33:00.029-07:00

Oh man. I'm so far behind on the blog I don't even know what to do with myself! So unfortunately I'm going to have to compile our two week trip into one blog post which will kill my dramatic flair so I'll just have to do my best!

June 2010

All during my England stay at Daisha's, I swooned at the chance to say, "I'm meeting my husband in Rome!" because oh my gosh, how romantic is that! But don't ask us how it worked out because when I flew from Gatwick into Rome and didn't see Paul at our designated meeting place at the airport train station I realized how stupid I was for not having in my possession ANY of his flight information. I didn't even know what airline he was flying or the flight number or anything! If his flight was delayed how was I to know and who to ask? I began to wander up and down the terminals, therefore LEAVING our designated meeting place and hence thereforeto breaking the biggest rule in the "I think I'm lost" rulebook. Hug a tree Rachel! Hug a tree!!! But I got up and left my tree and began to panic a little.

As I wandered cluelessly and starring blank faced into the flight info monitors Paul's words in his latest email rang through my head, "Don't MOVE. I will find you!" So I scurried back to our meeting place and waited for five minutes and someone came up behind me and placed their hand gently on my back. MY LOVE!! And we breathed a sigh of relief...

It was late so we took the metro to our hotel and when we exited the underground station it was dark and spooky. Graffiti covered the stone walls and the streets were poorly lit. Only a few other tourists trickled out of the station with us but they quickly went off in a different direction. I had no bearings whatsoever. England was my part of the trip and so I left navigating Rome totally up to Paul. (Which I'll never do again simply because it's just a bad idea not to know the layout of the city.) Paul did an awesome job finding our hotel and in the morning the neighborhood didn't look so sketchy because as we discovered, Rome, the entire city, is COVERED in graffiti.

It was Sunday so we took the metro and walked several blocks to our LDS church building.

Everyone spoke in Italian and we were lucky to have a translator. It was fun to see the speakers use so many hand gestures. It was a small ward and the same as any other Mormon service. We met two other young American dudes there and I made the mistake of inviting them out with us because after ten minutes with them it was clear how annoying this was going to be to drag them around. We walked to the Vatican where a million people gathered to hear the Pope and since getting into the Basilica was the only free thing around the line was wrapped around the block!

Somehow we lost those two guys. I don't know how it happened...I mean there were just so many people...they just turned around and we were gone!

We continued to explore the city on foot and saw a lot of cool and ancient things.

The friggen Pantheon was AWESOME! It was definitely our favorite place that we visited!

It was built in 126 AD as a temple to the gods. It is the most well preserved ancient building in Rome. And sadly, our pictures just do not do the experience justice because this place was HUUUUUUGE and gorgeous.

The gynormous dome ceiling stretched upwards so high it is so incredible and so mind-boggling as to how so long ago these architects built this thing we just couldn't get over its awesomeness. There was one light source for the whole building which was a hole in the very top.

We continued our walk to marvel at other ancient manifests of genius and appreciated them without having a clue as to what they were or when exactly they were built and for what purpose. Highly educated we are. But I'd like to make a note to the Italian government: Please. Work on your signage!! All over Rome the signage was terrible! Not only hidden street signs, but airport signs, train signs, and could you please put up some historical markers with descriptions of what the heck we're looking at? See, America is really good at this. We have a sign for everything. For every historical incident, there's a sign so patrons can stop and say, "oh isn't that interesting!" and move on our merry way THAT much smarter and richer in experience. Thank you.

Paul had done his foodie research and found "Rome's best gelato" shop tucked away in this cute Italian alley way. We went here a couple of times...

We stopped off at a nice outdoor restaurant for lunch and had delicious pasta. Do your research before you go to Rome. Not all Roman restaurants are created equal. (All the places we went were fantastic except the one night we winged it and chose a place on a whim.)

There were columns everywhere in Rome. You'd be walking down a perfectly modern street and all of a sudden there'd be awesome ruins just standing there. ...with no sign.

We made our way to that famous fountain that only became famous in this last century because it was in some movie. So it was unnecessarily crowded with a million people and difficult to get a good photo.

It was pretty awesome though 1.) because of it's sheer size and 2.) because it was tucked away in this city block you'd never know it was there.

We happened upon some more ruins and since there weren't any signs around I took the liberty of using my own imagination to tell the story of toga'd ladies carrying jugs of water up hidden staircases while beautiful gardens cascaded down terraces of stone and marble while Plato himself was over for a visit, meandering quietly with his hands behind his back along cobblestone paths with a group of young philosophers, all contemplating the meaning of life and beauty...and pasta.

This place was cool. HUUUUUUUUMongous building! Absolutely huge! Again, our camera doesn't capture the enormity of this white columned gift to some French king or something like that. Didn't quite get the impression that it served any purpose other than for people like me to gawk at it.

Then! The Colosseum!!

Again, HUUUUGE! Paul said he didn't realize how big it really was. It totally rocked.

Inside I imagined what it must have looked like with it's bleachers filled with people. The floor was long gone so you could see all the hidden passageways underneath. My imagination was going nuts. Hi, girl with red backpack who wouldn't move out of the shot.

I love this picture below. It captures the time of day, early evening, and a storm had been brewing in the warm mugginess of the day and it had just stopped raining and the roads smelled sweet and warm. It was very romantic. We were in Rome!!

When people ask us what our favorite/best part about Italy, we say THE TOMATOES! The tomatoes were like heavenly candy that melted in your mouth. We would get bruscetta everywhere we went and just make out with it as we "oooh'd and aah'd" our way through dinner.

More gelato please!!

Monday evening it was time to head out to our volunteer host family. It was supposed to be a half hour train ride Northeast of Rome but we got on the wrong train to Milan and had to back track a bit. It was sure pretty country though! Poppies!

We finally made it to the right train stop in Palombara Sabina, a little area a few miles away from the hilltop medieval village of Palombara.

We were looking for our bus stop but we were on a quiet country road so there were no businesses to go in to ask around. We saw a car pull over near us as the driver I guess just had to stop for a moment to drill for boogers in his nose because he was really digging away. I walked up to him and believe it or not, the ONLY phrase I remembered from my Learn Italian CDs from two years ago was how to say, "Where is the bus stop?" So I said, "Scuzi, dov'e il ow-toe boos para Palombara Sabina?" I think there's some Spanish in there. And lo and behold the guy totally started speaking in Italian to me and the gift of tongues ONCE again miraculously came through and somehow I understood that we were supposed to walk back to the train station, cross the bridge, go under the bridge, and catch the bus there. Baffling I know.

So we did just that. Then the next blessing came because of course the bus driver didn't speak English and didn't really understand what we were asking and lo and behold a woman on the bus spoke English and was also a friend of the people we were to stay with! So she helped us find our stop and we departed successfully once again. It just takes a little work.

We walked up this dirt road toward the address we had written down. It was about 9:30pm and still light out. The country was beautiful and quiet.

We reached the address and approached a large iron gate. And at that large iron gate were three huge, ugly dogs that weren't just barking like, "Who are you? My master says to bark at strangers!" But it was more like snarly, ferocious barks like, "I'm going to tear your head off and eat you one limb at a time and I'll make your husband watch and then we're going to eat HIM!" But they didn't move and for a moment neither did my heart and I think in that moment Paul was quickly computing how much it would cost to change our flight date to RIGHT NOW! But with Dog Whisperer skills in hand, I started speaking to the largest dog in Italian and he totally got it and he began to apologize profusely. As he put on his reading glasses he admitted that "It had all been a terrible misunderstanding" as he continued to show us to our room.

NOT. I pretended like they weren't that big of a deal and slowly moved past the wring leader and told Paul to pick up his jaw from off the ground and follow me. The dogs happily trotted behind us.

What happened next was even more bizarre. As we wheeled our suitcases down the dirt driveway we came upon large scattered piles of junk. Roofing shingles, chicken wire, an old refrigerator...it was like I was back home in the Oregon sticks. The large house was two-stories but the bottom level was simply the garage. We looked up and saw about five or six people standing on the large balcony. They had their backs turned to us and they just starred at us. I spoke up, "Hi! Are you Simona?" ..."Yes." .........nothing............ Paul and I started to squirm. "Hi! We're Paul and Rachel from America!" .......".Yes. Hello.".........nothing........ squirm. I had just talked to the woman two weeks ago on the phone. I'm pretty sure we had an understanding.

"We're you expecting us?" ........."Yes. Come up." Paul and I look around for a way up. We find stairs on the side of the house. We arrive on the balcony. First sight? Boob. Simona is nursing her 2 month old boy, Serafino, and her big brown boob is just hanging out in front of us and all her friends. She's sitting down so we walk over to the group. Nobody says anything and they start to mumble to each other in Italian. Simona is either 25 or 33 we can't tell. But she's short and cute and speaks with very good English. "Michele is around here somewhere." Michele (pronounced Meek-ell-eh) is her husband.

She introduces us to her neighbors, one especially she introduces us to is a man and she says, "He is the town begg-air (beggar). We thought she was joking so we laugh a hearty uncomfortable laugh and the man looks at us funny. Later we see her giving him money so I guess she was serious. He looked pretty clean cut to us! Being American used to American societal norms, we were expecting the, "OH! Come on in! You must be tired! Let me take your bags and show you to your room! Are you hungry?" But instead we just all stood there. Simona resumed her conversation with the others in Italian and Paul and I just stood there taking forced interest in the balcony tile. This went on for what seemed like fifteen minutes. Then the neighbors all left and Michele arrived in his plucky, work-driven rush and likeableness and finally came the "Come on in! Let me take you to your room." And she put the boob away.

These new places we go to volunteer always take a day to decide "can we do this?" Meanwhile the whole night through Paul and I without words know what the other is thinking: let's get out of here! But always the next day we are settled in quite nicely and ready to be of help. The inside of the house was nice and clean by the way.

We started the work around their vineyard with me cutting down large bamboo-like reeds and Paul swinging a heavy ho to weed rows and rows of seedling grapes.

It was a bit hot so I took to inside helping Simona with some housework. This is their awesome wood-fired oven.

Around noon we'd all stop for lunch which Michele also made most of the time. Pasta. We ate pasta twice a day every day. Sometimes with homemade red sauce and other times with ricotta and pureed carrots or zucchini. YUM!

The sunsets were always beautiful as we looked out to Palambara. On each hilltop you could see these medieval villages popping up for miles around.

We got along very well with Simona and Michele and this was one of our favorite nights! They invited their friends over for dinner. We prepared roasted goat with olive oil and fresh bay and rosemary leaves. And we found out that the town beggar was actually the town baker! Simona's accent sounded like "beggar" so we all had a good laugh at that! Nobody else spoke English so we had a fun time listening to their boisterous Italian stories that were often translated by Simona for us. Everyone's laugh was full and hand gestures and slaps on the back were plentiful. We had homemade terrimisu for dessert and went to bed with very full tummies.

We loved dinner time because the table was always a mess of happiness sprawled across the the cloth with remnants of good food and delightful conversation. ....and Amazing tomatoes!!

Paul was done in from the weeding. He couldn't close his fingers because they were so sore from gripping the ho. So for the rest of the trip we tied hundreds of seedlings to the reeds I had cut down to help train the vine to wrap around it.

It was hot. Michele works very hard and we were constantly impressed by his infectious good humor and jolly behavior. Always singing!

Serafino on the other hand was a miserable little tyrant. He must have had colic because the little guy wouldn't stop crying. And not just fussing but balls to the wall full-on "I'm dying!" crying. At first we were like, Oh poor thing, but by mid week we were ready to toss him over the balcony.

Rocking chairs are the best! He loved being rocked. Much of my day was spent holding him so that Simona could sleep and rest. He's a cutie.

When our weekend off came, Simona had the brilliant idea of dropping us off at the bus stop so we could spend the day visiting a neighboring medieval village while they did business in Rome. "But what if we get lost, Simona?" "Imposs-eeble. It is imposs-eeble."

Mmmm hmmm....

We hitch a ride on a bus that takes us up to this tourist town and it starts POURING rain. We grab some pizza and I ask the woman behind the counter, "Le capishe Linglese?" She shakes her head no she doesn't understand English. I say, "Io no capisco Litaliano." I don't speak Italian. So we proceed to order by pointing and smiling. At one point I'm pushing on their bathroom door and it won't budge and there's no handle so I start pushing harder and everyone is watching. The woman motions a sliding action and I sliiide the door open and she starts laughing and I start laughing and it's all a wonderful thing.

We buy some delicious strawberries from a street vendor and wash them off in these little fountains that they have all over Rome that people use to fill up water bottles or wash off in.

Then we go to the Villa that Simona said was free and it turns out it's 12 Euros ($18) to get in per person so we find ourselves miserable in the rain on the street again so we're like, let's just go home. So we end up waiting for the wrong bus and nobody knows where the heck Palombara Sabina is and so we wait at another place for another bus for 45 minutes and then get on and 25 minutes later it turns out it's the wrong bus so we get off and wait FOREVER for a bus that never comes and with my eagle eye I see a sign for the train station so I'm like, "Let's just get on a train!" So we get on the train but in the wrong direction. So we get off the train in the middle of nowhere with no one around.

We find a conductor who speaks a little English and says which train to get on but it won't come for another 45 minutes. So we wait. Meanwhile, a half hour goes by and he comes out again and says, actually I was wrong. You want to take this other train. ...so.... ok. I think even still we got on the wrong train so we ended going all the way to Rome and got on the right train and went back to Palombara Sabina. It was 9:30pm when we walked up the driveway.

I guess we did the impossible.

Okay. The Sistine Chapel. LINE AROUND THE ENTIRE VATICAN TO GET IN. People standing in line for HOURS. LITERALLY THE WHOLE DAY. IN THE HOT SUN. We're like, there's no way we're doing that. But we're here! We gotta go! So we find out that if you buy tickets online, you don't have to stand in line, you can just go straight in! So the next day we have our tickets and we walk past hundreds of people who are just standing there miserably and we walk right in! Well, we walk around the lobby for five minutes because there was NO SIGNS telling you where to enter! Finally we file in and follow the long cattle line of people from small room to small room. We enter a bigger room and Paul starts snapping pictures left and right and says, "I thought it would be bigger." And I'm all, "Paul, this isn't the Sistine Chapel." And he's like, "No I think it is."

Awesome mosaic tile floors EVERYWHERE.

So we follow the line of people like a lazy river around and down halls.

Paul takes some more pictures and says, "Ok. OK! THIS is the Sistine Chapel!" I'm like, "No. No it's not. I really don't think so."

More awesome mosaic floors...

We continue to wind down now bigger hallways and it's really starting to open up and Paul's all, "Is THIS the Sistine Chapel?"

Huge HUGE 20 foot woven tapestries depicting Christ's life. This one shows the order from King Herod to kill all the baby boys.

So we continue. Tired. Hot. Into another mural filled hall. Paul is beginning to look doubtful that we'll EVER reach the Sistine Chapel..that is, if we haven't already been through it??

I was like, "Paul, the Sistine Chapel has those famous paintings of God touching the finger of Adam etc. Plus I think it's bigger." "Oh yeah." His hope rekindled, we pressed on.

Another awesome tapestry.

Every room we were like, "WHoah!" Look over there! WHOAH!"

The pope stuff creeped me out a little bit though, I got to be honest.

A ton of people were exiting through a small portal as the hallway seemed to narrow. It was like in Willie Wonka when everyone gets shoved into that small room. We followed the flow of people and were dumped out into a dark, noisy room. We looked up and saw the ceiling and the adjacent walls covered in Michael Angelo's genius and said, "Oooooh. THIS is the Sistine Chapel."

I have a suggestion for the Vatican government. Show the Sistine Chapel FIRST!! Instead of taking us on an hour tour to get there. It will have more "pop" that way because by the time we got there we had seen a million paintings and painted ceilings and everyone was hot and the kids were angry and the place didn't feel like a holy chapel at all. I thought it would be reverent.

Instead it was just a painted room. An awesomely painted room no doubt, but the sanctity had long since left.

So it was time to go. We wandered down many more hallways but this time Paul and I were on a mission to get out of there! We got dumped out in the gift shop and scurried past groups and hoards of tourists and thought to ourselves, "It would be so cool to be Catholic in a place like this" and finally saw doors that led to daylight and Paul and I dashed out the doors and trotted down the steps only to find ourselves at a brick wall! We were still inside!!!

We had to go back inside and we tried different hallways and doors that looked like exits but we couldn't find the way out! NO SIGNS!!!!

We came upon this foreboding staircase and held our breath as we spiraled our way down!

Paul was ahead of me and when I saw him reach the very bottom his shoulders slumped and he said, "It's a dead end!" I about fainted. But then he laughed and as I rounded the corner was relieved to see the doors leading to the street at the end of a large lobby. We crossed the lobby almost as if in slow motion. Were we really going to get out? Were we really about to be free in the open air and feel the sunlight on our faces? I looked behind me, the two security guards started following us and one called out, "Hey!" And then yelled something in Italian. Were they talking to us? We just kept going toward the doors. It was then they pulled their guns off their shoulders and started firing, riddling our bodies with bullets as they screamed, "BE BAPTIZED OR DIE!!!!"

Our lifeless bodies slumped to the floor as blood spilled onto the cool marble. Those Catholics are serious about salvation!

We didn't really die. But for the next two hours we did because as we looked for this "really good pizza place" Paul thought it was "just around the corner" which turned into a sweat inducing walk of death in the sweltering heat of the sun on a busy highway with no end in sight, trek across Rome. Then when we finally got there! My expectations were so high, it wasn't even that good! It was the Sistine Chapel of pizza.

We headed home. I was a bit cranky at that point and Paul was a bit befuddled still at how we could have walked so far in one day. This is his "I'm innocent" look. He's so cute...

Simona and Michele were kind to teach us how to make our own yeast as well as homemade pasta and pizza. They're awesome!

They made us a pizza with only mozzarella and walnuts so we made them a Hawaiian pizza. They thought we were totally weird. Did you know in Italia they make pizzas with potatoes on top?

After the naked art work in the Sistine Chapel, all around Rome, and Simona's boob hanging out all the time, Paul and I decided we had had our fill of naked people for a while.

One of my jobs was to shake the branches of this tree and these long berries fell off onto the net and I had to collect them so we could make jam.

Paul came in from the fields and was exhausted.

So he decided to help me instead.

Fast forward to a few days later, we found our berries smooshed and thrown out because apparently the whole jam thing didn't turn out.

Michele had gone to the butcher's and came back with this cow's head which he threw to the dogs as a treat. You should have seen this thing! The eyeball was still in it! I went to grab my camera to take a picture of it's total awesome disgustingness but the ring leader dog had dragged the head into the vineyard. I followed him but when I got ten feet away he growled at me in such a scary way I just backed away slowly. the next morning this was all that was left of the cow head.

A Lamborghini!

Mmmm pizza...

Our last Sunday we spent in Rome again. After church we went to lunch and I had AMAZING lasagna. No red sauce! And of course we ordered tomatoes. And in Rome, their specialty is bacon. Bacon in everything! Paul was in heaven.

We ventured out and found more ruins!

I love the buildings.

For the fifth time we headed back to the Vatican because we really wanted to go inside the Basilica.

We went in the evening around 5:30 and there was no line! We are so smart! You have to enter a check booth. Check stand? Uh...A booth for them to check your clothing. We thought it was awesome they don't let people who are dressed too immodestly to go in.

The girls who were inappropriately dressed had to wait in this holding tank off to the side while their friends went in. Heh heh heh.

I didn't know what to expect on the inside. As we entered, the sun was shooting through the skylights and the grand reverence and enormity of the architecture literally drew our breaths away. It was so beautiful.

Near the front they had it roped off because a service was being performed. They had people singing and it echoed throughout the room. It was so beautiful.

Arriving back in Palombara Sabina we spent our last few days with Simona and Michele. Michele had me go out into the field and pick these huge "weeds" that we cooked for part of our dinner.

They're so cute!

This is the view from our bedroom.

Paul working in the field.

Our last day, they were so nice to drive us up to that little village on the hill where there is a castle at the very top! They drove us in their jeep up these steep and really narrow cobblestone streets and through archways that we literally only had an inch on each side of the Jeep to crawl through!

Michele and Simona got married here in the castle.

It had a beautiful view from the top!

At the end of the day Michele drove Paul and I up a very steep rocky road where there were ancient ruins and wild poppies and a fantastic view.

We had such a lovely time sharing the Rubino's home and we hope we helped them. We definitely learned a lot and got to experience new things and the Roman people. We're so grateful we could come here and work and laugh alongside Simona, Michele and their friends.

For Your Viewing Pleasure...

2010-07-05T21:49:00.000-07:00

Be sure to click on individual photos or right click on photos and open them in new windows to maximize your viewing pleasure. Bigger is better!

RS

England Day 5 - Cuckmere Haven, Castles, and Complete Contentment

2010-07-05T21:45:00.002-07:00

May 21st 2010

Daisha and I glided Tabs off to school and we were soon "off with the fairies" as they say in England when one is day dreaming. But we were wide awake when we drove south to Cuckmere Haven on England's beautiful coast.

The sun was bright and the sky blue once again! How perfect the week's weather had been! It hadn't rained once the whole entire time and every day I praised God for such a blessing of warm beautiful weather especially on my final day before I flew out to Rome.

We walked down a winding path through green pasture land nestled among some foothills where cattle grazed peacefully along the lazy river.

We followed the river to it's end and we beheld the glorious landscape before us!

The ocean sparkled under the bright blueness of the sky as the limestone cliffs towered over us along the rocky shore!

My heart danced as we explored my final Atonement destination. And how fitting it is that the last scene in the movie would be my last day in England! I was in heaven.

We walked to the top of the chalk cliffs and strolled along the edge.

I felt like a queen.

The water was so beautiful.

Daisha and I actually started getting sunburned (in ENGLAND!) because we stayed a lot longer than we planned so we headed back along the path and ran into these beautiful creatures.

On our way to pick up Tabitha from school Daisha took me to see some castle ruins with a moat!

A real castle! A REAL MOAT! I was walking through a fairytale!

Then after picking up Tabs we headed over to a large manor -where they shot part of The Other Boleyn Girl

And to top it off we ventured into into the forest where the bluebells were in bloom (which I had never before seen!) and we frolicked among the bluebells!

Our perfect day wasn't even over! That evening we walked into Daisha's village and got fish and chips from The Village Chippy who drives into town once a week. Look! Their village has a fjord!

THEN! A 19 year old girl named Danielle Shumway from my home town and her Italian friend flew in from Rome where she was nannying. They were going to crash on Daisha's couch for a night while exploring London for the weekend. Turns out we're related! How quaint! By marriage...but still! It's such a small world. Edward was awesome to pile us all into the car when it got dark and he took us on a driving tour of London by night. It was FANTASTIC!!! He took us all around and it was so wonderful to see the great city all lit up and he was a great tour guide and very knowledgeable. I took this fuzzy photo of Tower Bridge but I thought it was still pretty cool.

What a perfect day! Again!

England Day 4 - Leaving The Peak District on to Kent!

2010-07-03T15:55:00.000-07:00

May 20th 2010

I woke up at Tree Tops of Bakewell Bed and Breakfast and had a huge breakfast provided by the couple, David and Jane, who rent out one room in their home for passing families or lone travelers like myself. It is a lovely place and the owners are so kind. I highly recommend Tree Tops of Bakewell! They were so kind in fact that David offered to drive me up to Ashford In the Water to show me around! I LOVE England!

First he was kind enough to drive me to this beautiful view of a viaduct. I'm lame and forgot the name of it.

I love the blue doors on the cottages. Click on the photo to enlarge.

Ashford In The Water is a lovely village that is straight out of Cranford.

We drove back to Bakewell and I had some time left before my train departed so I explored the village some more and it was another perfect day with blue sky!

I took the train back into London and then out to Kent (about 20 minutes South East of London by car) to Daisha and Edwards! Daisha is Melanie's sister. (Melanie is married to my brother Scott.) and Daisha used to babysit me when I was little so we're pretty much sisters at this point - especially after our visit! Daisha married Edward who is a fantastic Englishman and they have a five year old daughter Tabitha (or Tabby) and Dakota is Daisha's 15 year old son. They are an awesome family. They live in a little village that is straight out of a fairy tale. And to make things even more inviting, Daisha had prepared an awesome welcome bag full of all kinds of Cadbury goodies and when I walked into their home, Daisha had a tea party all set up for me!

There were ALL KINDS of treats and biscuits and I stuffed myself silly with cakes and tea and cookies and all manner of delights! She's so awesome!

They drove me around the countryside surrounding their village. There was a freaking castle!

And just when my brain was about to explode from all the English awesomeness we turned down a little road and pulled up to this scene:

Not only is there a Roman viaduct over the perfect lazy river banked by the lush green velvet pasture, they had to go and put a SWAN right there to send me over the edge! AND THEN there were THESE guys:

You've got to be kidding me. I kept proclaiming to Daisha and Dakota, "You guys LIVE here.!!!" This isn't a dream or Disneyland - this is a place where people get up in the morning and brush their teeth and say, "Hmm what do I have to do today...in this heavenly utopia that is England?"

The sun was low in the sky and a beautiful evening so we decided to walk "The Sound of Music Hill" behind their house and have some fun.

Sigh.... What more can I say?

England Day 3 - The Peak District

2010-07-03T15:02:00.000-07:00

May 19th 2010

I woke up super early on Wednesday to catch the train from St. Pancras and go about three hours west to what is called The Peak District. Pretty much every BBC film or series is filmed in this area. One reason for coming here was to see my friend Claire whom I met and volunteered with in Vietnam in 2008. Another reason for coming here was to bring to life all the romantic stories I had in my head thanks to this being Jane Austin country... and Robin Hood territory (the latter of which I was devastated and shocked to learn was not real!) But I believe my Peak District expectations can be summed up in one short paragraph that I put as my "Out of Office" automatic email reply:

"Hello, I am out of the country right now exploring the streets of London and frolicking through the Moors covered in heather, making passionate love to my fantasies while my husband, Mr. Darcy incarnate, awaits my arrival in Rome. I will return June 8th and I look forward to responding to your email at that time."

Heck yes.

As soon as I met Claire in Derbyshire (pronounced Darby-sher) the real adventure began! It was so wonderful catching up on our short train ride together into Matlock. We hopped on the bus to Bakewell, a cute little village famous for the Bakewell tart and lies at the center of many Peak District attractions. We only had the day together and Chatworth Hall was at the top of our list! Since England makes it perfectly acceptable to walk through people's land there are walking trails all over the place! So we hit the paths and set off toward our destination!

We stopped and had lunch real fast and I experienced my first helping of MUSHY PEAS! They look totally disgusting but they are sooo delish!

We had to hop on another local bus to reach Chatsworth. We were riding along enjoying the beautiful lush hillsides when the trees parted and this HUGE GYNORMOUS MANSION appeared before us! My jaw hit the floor and Claire could only say, "...Woah."

Chatsworth was one of the homes to the Duchess of Devonshire in the late 1700's and better yet, the true inspiration for Mr. Darcy's home in Jane Austin's Pride and Prejudice and was used as such in the 2005 film with Kiera Knightly. Thus henceforth it was entirely appropriate to treat it as such.

We entered through the main hall and we were overcome by the breathtaking decadent artwork that seduced all our senses and immediately transformed us into royalty for the next few hours.

This statue called "The Veiled Lady" is the most beautiful statue I have ever seen. Carved out of marble by Italian sculptor Raphaelle Monti in the 18th century, the veil looks so real as if the marble is actually cloth draped over her face. Some things you see in person, up close, and a reverence falls over you like a silent recognition that perhaps God was standing in the room and left just moments before you entered and you can still feel the warmth where He was standing.

We continued to wander down long hallways.

Walls covered with woven tapestries and art.

And some personal items of past duchesses were on display.

Because every duchess needs a ruby encrusted falcon decanter. You know... for the girl who has everything.

I love this photo of Claire!

I love pictures on the ceiling. Especially ones of naked people and horses. ....not necessarily together..er..

Ok. This was the dining room. This table seats over twenty people and is lit-trally ( literally) dressed for the King.

There were huge pure silver candelabras on the table that take several men to lift.

This dude was great. In each room they have experts just standing there to answer questions so I berated him with random questions that no one asks like, "Tell me about etiquette back then." And he went on to explain that husband and wife never sat next to each other, always across from each other so that no cliques were formed. And during different courses of the meal you would turn and only speak to the person at your left and when a new course came you'd speak to the person at your right and vice versa depending where you sat. This way no one was left out. You'd never speak across the table.

Then I was like, "Give me the nitty gritty. How did people go to the bathroom back then?" And the guy said that in the corner of the very same room there would be a screen and the man would excuse himself from the table and walk five feet away to relieve himself and then carry on back to the table. And I was all, "Shut up. Are you serious?! What about the girls?" And it was so cute because he got a bit flustered (those Englishmen!) and he said, "Well, during a ball or a social event the women would have, well, um, if you can picture a container for gravy-" I cut him off, "A GRAVY BOAT?!" He continued, "Uh, well...yes." He was in too deep now. He HAD to finish the story! "Well in a crowd the other women would gather around one woman and she'd hold this...(gravy boat)...between her thighs and she'd..." I forgot what he really said after that because I was saying over and over in my head, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!"

Then he changed the subject and started talking about this awesome 42 candle chandelier. Candles were taxed back then and very expensive so to have a humongous candle chandelier like this was a sign of enormous wealth. But you'd never want to walk underneath one as you can see the wax drips down and ruins your fine silk dresses! Oh my!

Our last room was this amazing bright room (the mansion was so dark!) with a fantastic collection of marble statues (also in the Pride and Prejudice movie!)

The sculptures were so exquisite. I was in awe the whole time.

This next statue was breathtaking. How can anybody carve such perfection out of marble? This young woman was life-size and just stunning.

Claire and I laughed at this big "bowl" and came up with different food items we could fill it with.

How awesome is this place?!

This represented Mr. Darcy in the movie. I thought I'd cuddle up to him but-

Then I saw this guy:

Um... wow. Claire and I stood over this one a bit too long. We were so embarrassed to find ourselves getting honestly hot and bothered! By a STATUE!! He's magnificent.

We had to cool off in the gardens.

Claire takes such good pictures! Jealous..

We had such a fun time in this large maze!! Just when you think you've got it figured out....

Were we not here at a PERFECT time?! How gorgeous is this place! ...More awesome photos by Claire!

We settled ourselves down at the end of the pond and Claire and I had a most wonderful time frolicking! This was my favorite part of the day! Claire I miss you!

It took us a while to get the timing right but we had so much fun trying!

This goose was so cute. He was alone and waddled up to us like a real gent. Claire tried to pet him and he walked over to the edge of the pond and "Pluh-dunked" right into the water with his rotund buoy-body and it made such a funny sound Claire and I couldn't stop laughing!!!! Makes me chuckle now just thinking about it!

We had spent hours at Chatsworth and the afternoon was slipping away from us so we grabbed some ice cream cones - in England they put a stick of chocolate down the center of them! - and we made our way over to Froggatt Edge.

Froggatt Edge is a cliff that goes for several miles and provides you with beautiful views - that's if you get to the top - and since Claire had to catch the evening train back home we only had a small amount of time to make it there and back! So we had to hike and hike fast! All I remember was the heat and the steep incline of the road for the first couple of miles. We were dying. And I was in a dress! We were literally wheezing and blood vessels were bursting. Finally we got to the fields which led to the road which led to the bottom of the cliffs. Once again we wandered through private land trying to avoid sheep patties.

Finally we made it! The view was beautiful and so worth it!

It truly had been a wonderful adventurous day and I'm SO HAPPY Claire was with me because it wouldn't have been at all as awesome as it was without her!

We rushed her back to Matlock to catch the train and said our goodbyes. Then I made my way back over to Bakewell to my bed and breakfast for the night. I walked across the stone bridge at dusk. The night was warm and peaceful and I stopped in a restaurant nearby and ate two bites of the worst salad I've ever gagged on in my entire life. It was straight up weeds. Like someone went out in the nearby pasture and pulled up some wet weeds and stuck them on a plate. Or cud. Some cow was chewing his cud and a waiter pulled it out of his mouth and stuck it on my plate and charged me five pounds for it. But it didn't get me down. The day had been too perfect. Plus when I got to my room I had my own private jacuzzi tub which I overfilled with bubbles and soaked my tired body in until I was a pink raisin.

And then I slept so good.

Oops! How'd this get here?

England Day 2 - Stokesay Court

2010-06-17T13:34:00.018-07:00

Tuesday May 18, 2010

I woke early and took the Tube to Paddington Station for my 3 hour train ride out to Ludlow in Shropshire. At one point a young man boarded and sat across from me. His phone rang and when he answered he said, "Hello. Yes this is Jonathan Turner" and when that gentle Midlands English accent came gliding out I about died and went to heaven. On top of that, Turner is the last name of Robbie, James McAvoy's character in my favorite film (and healthy obsession), Atonement.

The whole first act of the film takes place at a gorgeous mansion called Stokesay Court. And that's where I was headed!

My train arrived in Ludlow around 12:30 and I was hungry. I had time to kill before my tour started so I walked the streets and came upon a mom and pop sandwich shop that had huge pork roasts sitting in the window. I saw a woman carving meat from the roast and that did it for me! I went in and had a wonderful sandwich with stuffing spread on the bread IN the sandwich!

After I ate I walked around and realized I had to use the loo SO BAD! I saw a sign up ahead that said "Toilet" and I thought I was saved! But as I came nearer the sign was for a building rental and not a toilet at all! That was very misleading indeed!

The coach used to come through Ludlow and it took two days to get to London.

So basically, I'm obsessed with this movie Atonement. It's pretty much the motivating factor in planning my trip in the first place. There's a tour company in London called Brit Movie Tours and besides the "Harry Potter tour" or the "Romantic Movie Tour", they offered the "Atonement Tour" which also included a visit to St. James Cathedral (exterior only) where they filmed the wedding scene, but the tours only took place every fortnight (every two weeks!) So a month ahead of time I booked my ticket and a week before I flew out, Lewis at Brit Movie Tours emailed me saying they had to cancel my tour due to lack of tickets sold. (!!!!!) Before I allowed myself to become completely devastated I emailed him back and told him that short of selling my body or my freedom, I HAAAD to somehow get myself to the house. I then received the best customer service EVER. Lewis contacted Stokesay Court and spoke to the owner herself and got me added to an additional tour the owner herself would be giving to a special group of people. SUCCESS!

So from Ludlow to Craven Arms I took a taxi to the estate. I was embarrassed as I went to climb in the car, I went to open the passenger door and almost ended up on the taxi driver's lap! Silly me!

The country roads wound peacefully through green pastures and you could see Ludlow Castle up on a hill. I arrived at Stokesay Court early and I rang the doorbell at the back of the house. A kind woman opened the door and I asked, "Are you the owner?" And in her accent she laughed and said, "Heavens no. I don't have this kind of money! The tour starts in a half hour and we don't let people in until then so feel free to tour the gardens."

I was overjoyed as I bounded off down the driveway by myself and not another person in site. It was a very warm day and the sun peaked through the bright clouds. I was soon enveloped in nothing but quiet warmth as the breeze blew pink blossoms from the trees like a gentle snow falling. I was in heaven! And it was ALL MINE!! I climbed up a small bank and made my way through some high hedges and stumbled upon this scene:

The front of the house towered over the lawn like it was watching me. "I'm here" I thought. "I'm really here." It was beautiful. It was perfect.

I thought it ironic that the gardener was working with the plants at the fountain (like Robbie in the movie) but this gardener was an old man whom I found very pleasant but unfortunately he was not James McAvoy. Oh well.

It was time for the tour inside and when I returned to the back door I went inside where there were about thirty people, all in their forties and fifties in age, speaking with Caroline the owner. It turns out that Caroline was living in London almost twenty years ago when she got a large envelope in the mail with a will and testament saying that she was the remaining heir and has inherited this huge estate. (I know, right?!) But while tremendously lucky, the estate needs a lot of repairs and many people for it's upkeep. So when the movie came through and used Stokesay Court as it's primary location for much of the movie, they made many improvements through the house. Caroline has kept everything the same from the movie except for major props of course.

Unfortunately she wouldn't let us take interior pictures (it is her home where she lives after all) but we were taken through each room and it was absolutely fantastic for my actor's mind to see how they shot the film and comparing it from the movie to the real thing. And yes. I went into the library. It was all I could do from not throwing myself on the bookshelves and acting like a total loon and giving thirty senior citizens heart attacks - but believe me I wanted to do it.

After the interior tour we had tea in the dining room (same one as the movie!) and then it was the end of the tour so she let people go on their own to tour the gardens. But Caroline was magnificent. From the very beginning she treated me like a VIP guest and in each room took me to different parts of the rooms and pointed out special Atonement details and continued to call me by name so much that the other people asked me if I was IN the movie or involved somehow! She really didn't have to do that but I guess I had made such a big deal about NEEDING to make the tour happen she knew how important it was to me. I'm so touched and grateful! She made me feel so special.

Caroline even took me aside with just one other couple who actually used to spend summers at the estate and she personally escorted us further into the property and pointed out special places. It was just beautiful!

This is the grotto where Briony goes to write. It was a really mystical kind of hiding place filled with stinging nettle.

I loved this walkway with Forget-Me-Nots that they used for an awesome tracking shot in the film.
This is the fountain Cecelia jumps in. It's not very deep so the one you see in the movie was built on top of the original and they added a styrofoam statue of a man which looked believably just like stone which I saw inside the house.

Above is the tree that Robbie walks under with the wheel barrow while he looks at Cecilia and Briony laying in the sun here:
This next location is where Briony and Robbie are swimming and he jumps in and saves her. It's much prettier in the film.
This is the stables.
Below is where they built the dock with the diving board that Kiera Knightly jumps off of. They had to dig out the pond to make it deeper and the water was really cold but Kiera swam from one end to the other just to make up for all the hard work of the crew.
So pretty!
That's me by that huge tree.

So FYI - The remaining photos are larger than shown and for the life of me I could not publish them smaller. So please, for your viewing pleasure, click on the individual photo to see what is not shown.

After we said our goodbyes I walked down the road to meet my scheduled taxi. I was delighted to find the bridge where Robbie hands Briony the letter and she runs off. I had my taxi driver take this. The English are so nice!

James McAvoy stood right here. Sigh....
It was a perfect day and everything I hoped it would be! I am so grateful for the kindness of Caroline and Lewis and I will surely never forget Stokesay Court!